My Office

I work in the 14th floor of a 20 story building, so I use elevator at least 4-5 times a day including my trip to gym during lunch time. It’s a nice elevator with steel plating on the walls separated by tiny pieces of mirrors. If I am alone in it, I spend my few seconds looking in the mirror. I feel safe and kinky, make ugly faces, smile and grin. Sometimes I look up in the mirror on the ceiling and see how the top of my head is getting bald.

This elevator is only for level 12 through 20. For up to the 12th floor there is a separate one. So, this one is usually not that crowded. For the past one year, ever since I moved to this office, I had only two people (strangers) wished me ‘have a good day’ as I stepped out of the elevator at my floor. Most people keep staring on the floor until they reach their level. I do the same most of the time. Sometimes I take a peek at people without letting them know that I am looking at them, especially those who come with intense smell of perfume. Some smell make me want to puke, so I will hold my breath until they get out.

Most of the people are sad. Or may be they appear sad to me. Some of them are busy working attentively on the blackberries and storm out when the door opens, leaving a lot of shoe taps on the granite floor. I even want to tell them to slow down.

I was depressed for about two days last week. My wife’s friend and family lost their 8 months old baby girl. Those two days, I didn’t look at people, I didn’t look straight; I didn’t give people eye contact. I don’t know why. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. I was hurt for that family. I saw the child wrapped in cloths and placed in a tiny coffin. She looked beautiful. I looked at the Dad and Mom of that baby, but couldn’t keep my eyes on them for long. I had no consoling words for them but my wife told them that their baby is with God. I believe all babies goes to heaven when they die. They are innocent.

It made me wonder why people rush all the time as though if they slow down they would miss something important. I was comparatively slow last week, didn’t care who else was sharing the elevator with me, didn’t care if they looked at me. It made me wonder what hope we have apart from Christ Jesus and it hurt me to see people live hopeless life, some of them in a state of denial.

I drank more coffee and ate more food.

There are three safe havens for me in my office - an empty elevator, empty rest room and my cubicle. I love it when there aren't anyone else in the restroom so that I can makes faces looking in the mirror.

My boss is a cool man. He keeps talking about flying radio controlled airplanes, which is his passion. He even fly real airplanes and showed me a picture of him flying a single engine Cessna. But he has no commercial pilot license. He wouldn't micromanage me at work unlike many of my ex-bosses. He shows me the software he uses to edit his home videos and teach me how to use it. He can keep on talking about movies in which I have no interest in. But I put up a face as though I am interested. But it's difficult to do it for long time.

There are more than 10 different flavors of coffee in the kitchen. Some of the people in our office looks restless and I doubt if it's due to excessive coffee drinking. I listen to Dr. Bob Marshal in a Christian radio station and according to him coffee is only good for doing enema. It's a cleansing liquid it seems. He says organic coffee can cleanse-out toxins from our body if used in enema; but drinking any coffee through mouth would make only negative effect. I still drink a minimum of 2 cups of coffee everyday.

Christ in you

"To be in Christ ­ that is redemption; but for Christ to be in you ­ that is sanctification! To be in Christ ­ that makes you fit for heaven; but for Christ to be in you ­ that makes you fit for earth! To be in Christ ­ that changes your destination; but for Christ to be in you ­ that changes your destiny! The one makes heaven your home ­ the other makes this world His workshop."
(Major W. Ian Thomas - The Saving Life of Christ. Zondervan Publishing 1972. pg. 19)

Some more "church" talk!

It's interesting to see people spending a lot of time and energy to debate, discuss and figure out whether we should attend institutionalized churches or "house churches". How did a institutionalized church become institutionalized? Was it because it was in a special building? Or was it because people implemented their agendas, knowledge of half truths, ideas, personal preferences, rituals, falsehood etc? If so, how much it takes to have a "house church" institutionalized? It wouldn't take much. It's even easier because you have more 'control' there.

Some people all of a sudden get influenced by a "liberal demon" and jump from Presbyterian to Wynyard or Emergent and think that they are 'free' now. They aren't. The only difference is now they are thinking the Emergent church is "the" church or the Wynyard is "the" church (BTW, I have nothing against any of these organizations in particular). None of these are churches, there are merely some organizations. And yes, there are people under those roofs who are truly part of the invisible, universal, ever growing church of Jesus Christ.

None of these "movements" are going to resolve anything. Doesn't matter how frustrated you were when you were in the Baptist church and how "happy" you are in the Pentecostal church. The happiness we get when we jump from one building to another is not really the happiness God supplies. It is just the happiness coming from a sense of adventure, that you think that you are doing something "different" - like bungee jumping.

The REAL adventure is not jumping from one church to another. The real adventure is losing all our securities, which includes people-provided, church-provided, community-provided, clergy-provided and doctrine-provided securities and abandon ourselves into the hands of a perfectly loving God and hang in there, see what HE does in our life. That to me is adventurous.

The more we talk about "church", it shows how less we care about the "Head". The moment people come to know that I am a Christian, the next question is where do I go to church. Give me a break! My wife lies to people that we attend a non-denominational church just to avoid further questions. And I am teaching her to tell the truth! And she says she doesn't know how to give a proper answer why as Christians we do not park our bodies in a building on Sundays. I see her point because it isn't that easy to explain.

I want to stop jumping from one building to another building, because when I do it, all I am thinking is about the building. What can it offer to me? I am thinking about ME. I love ME! I love the fact that when I have flood in my basement there is a church member dispatched by the pastor to help me drain water. But now I am obliged to do the same thing when he has a flood. That's not selfless love. That's people working for each other. They are just not paying any monetary wages, instead they pay with their work. For doing the dispatching pastor gets his pay check. So, where is love in the whole deal?

Paul said: Love is not self-seeking.

I think love is not love if it's not selfless. That is the problem of building-bound spirituality, it is almost impossible to extend and receive selfless love while we are bombarded with building issues - how to maintain it, how to grow it, how to beatify it, how to make it more marketable etc.

I have criticized the 'building' I left but I think the issue was that I didn't really know the love of Christ the way I know it today (I am not claiming I know it fully, I will never know until I see him face to face). It was more of a intellectual understanding of that particular church's doctrines. I wasn't really free! It was my own struggle while I was still bound.

I thought moving the "worship" from that building to my home would change everything. It changes nothing! You move your bondage from a special building to a "house church" thinking that you are very trendy and adventurous, I am telling you it changes nothing. What changes us is the truth. The truth that Jesus loves us regardless of whether we are sleeping in the comfort of our bed on Sunday morning or we are sitting in a pew. It is the love what transforms us, not our changing of parking places.

As we get hold of this love, the "building" becomes a nonissue. The temptation to criticize all the "churches" subsides. Our focus changes. The source of our joy is no more depended on the beauty of the songs sung by the choir. And since it comes from the right source, it stays, it's consistent and we know it's priceless. No buildings can ever give us this, only Jesus can.

Genesis

It was a book which greatly influenced me in my childhood (even today) with it’s unique story of creation then the rude sounding story of expelling Adam and Eve from the garden.

I have listened an hour long sermon a pastor preached trying to prove that 6 days of creation weren’t really 24 hrs days instead 1000 years days. All because somewhere in Bible it said 1000 years is like one day to God. Some people find it so difficult to believe that God really created the dry land in 24 hours. Using my limited common sense I thought that was ludicrous to think that way. If God took 1000 years for creating light (for example), what does it mean? Did he create a little light such as a candle light and waited 1000 years to get it evolved to sun and moon and stars? Or did he do a lot of research in his heavenly laboratory to figure out how he can produce light which will cover the entire earth? Or was he raising fund for this experiment? I thought he just SPOKE and it came into existence.

The way he created man was amazing. It was a unique creation. He didn’t just utter ‘Let there be a man’, but he was really involved in his creation. I had a picture of an artist with a long grayish hair and long beard, who is specialized in creating sculptures, bending down near to the sculpture's face and breathing his breath in to it through the nostrils. All of a sudden the sculpture became alive and started moving. His heart started beating, his skin became glossy, he can now think, see, taste, hear and talk. It’s pretty amazing, if we think.

My Mom always wanted us to read Bible from cover to cover and there were some special days such as the week of Easter, which is considered holier than any other week, she would insist us to take up our reading.

Then I would pick the only bible we had then and start reading loudly from Genesis chapter 1. As far as I can remember I had read it may be up to the sixth chapter then I will yawn and feel tired. I even thought, 'why am I reading this fairy tale?' I will look around to see if my Mom is there, if she isn’t then I will slowly close the Bible sneak out to play.

I thought God was rude not to let Adam and Eve eat from that one tree. He sounded even ruder when he said ‘when you eat of it you will surely die’. That wasn’t fair, I thought. But until few years ago, I didn’t even know that Adam didn’t really 'die' on the day he ate that fruit. It came to me as a huge revelation where I almost jumped out of joy. I read he lived 930 years and produced few children. A dead man cannot produce children!

So, did God lie? Did He say that they will die if they eat that fruit just to scare them? Was it to show them that He is capable enough to take their lives if He wants? Did he have a superiority complex?

Then the revelation hit my brain, a light bulb went on. He died spiritually! He didn't die physically or even mentally. It is very difficult for a mentally dead person to produce children! The element of godliness in his being left Him. He lost his wholeness and was broken. The spirit of God indwelled Him is no more indwelling him. It left an emptiness in Him. It opened the eyes of his flesh and he found that he was naked. He didn't feel close to God and he tried to hide. He felt unfulfilled and restless. He gained his knowledge of good and evil, declared his independence from God and lost (spiritual) LIFE. Wow! Now it makes sense why Jesus came to give us LIFE and He is called the 'second Adam'. Now it makes sense what it means to be 'born-again', being born from God and indwelled by his spirit. Now it makes sense why we feel so unfulfilled and restless until we find that life in God. Now it makes sense why we feel so empty even after gaining all the money, fame, glamor and power.

When ever I get a revelation from Bible, I get so excited that I feel that I will die if I don’t share it with someone. I hadn’t started blogging then (about 5 years ago). I hadn't even heard about such a thing. So I preach to my wife and she would try to conjure up her entire energy to listen to my long, boring, theological ramblings. Then she will yawn. Then I will feel sad and discouraged. (Now a days my preaching to her is not about Adam and Eve but about the difference between law and grace) These days she has learned to yawn while keeping her mouth closed. I wouldn’t even know if she really yawned until I see tears in her eyes. Now I am practicing it as it is very helpful while attending some meetings at work. I wish I had known this technique earlier while I was in the "church".

Recently when I got a chance to share some spiritual stuff with my Mom, the first thing I told was that Adam didn’t really physically die on that day and explained to her what it meant. It said, he became the father of a son in his own likeness, according to his image. If the Dad was dead, his son was also dead; and all of us, down to this century born dead spiritually into this world, helplessly fallen short of god's glory. No wonder why we don't have to teach people to sin, they will learn it by their own. The restoration, forgiveness and life Jesus offered makes much sense now.

There is sin, independence, deception, ungodliness, sacrifice, blood, covering, grace, law, punishment, death and pretty much everything scattered throughout Bible, are in the book of Genesis. Tear the book out and the entire Bible wouldn’t make any sense at all. Thank God, for using your servant Moses to write down this book for us!