How grace destroyed my prayer life.

My prayer usually started with "My loving father in heaven" for a long time. Eventually I got bored with that salutation, so I tried few others such as "My precious Father", "Our loving gracious Father in heaven" or simply "Lord Jesus". I was taught that quoting Scriptures while praying is very effective. In other words, we might get more action from God if we claim things which he had promised in the Scriptures but have forgotten to give to us.

Every time, during the family prayer in the evening, I wanted to make sure my kids followed the Christian discipline of sitting in full attention with their eyes closed. I was proud of being a perfect Christian Dad, making sure even our 2 year old followed my strict prayer-time discipline.

Depending on who is present, most of my public prayers were directed to them, kind of using the prayer time to preach to them or to show off my religiosity. After all, that’s the only time they are forced to be silent and listen to me. When my parents (who are not protestant Christians) are present, I threaten them through my prayer about the countless punishments God is going to send on them if they don't accept my belief system. My conscious effort there was to prove them wrong and prove me right.

Depending on whom I am praying with, my prayer changed. I pray the most hypocritical prayer if there are unbelievers around. In the midst of super hyper believers, I pray as if I am also super hyper like them. You know, praying for the souls perishing all over the world? I knew how to add a touch of unbearable pain to the tone of my prayer to make it more dramatic.

Do you want to add more excitement and power to your prayer? Add more loud "Hallelujahs".

In short, my public prayer was a show and my private prayer was mostly a laundry list of things I thought I couldn't live without.

Grace destroyed all this drama and made it unbelievably simple. I can't believe I did all that for so many years. I feel embarrassed. Now when I pray, I hardly know that I am praying. It is like talking to a real person. It's a joyful occasion of tremendous freedom, peace and love. I don't mind talking silly things to Him. Now I don't necessarily want anyone around when I pray because I know that my prayer might sound very silly and child-like; mostly do not make any sense to the people who don't know where I am coming from.

And I think that's ok.

Some thoughts on prayer.

These are some of my current thoughts on prayer (Some might find it very radical but this where I currently stand. There is no claim that these are accurate but I am open for disagreements/opinions):

I do not believe prayer changes things. I don't believe in phrases like 'earnest prayer', 'pray hard' etc. I do not believe there is any magic in prayer. I also do not believe that one person's prayer is more effective than the other person. I don't believe in 'prayer chains'. I don't believe in those websites where you can post prayer requests. I don't believe in requesting prayer anonymously. I don't believe in praying for the nation, politicians etc. I don't believe in those toll free numbers (e.g: 1-800-PRAYER) where you can call and ask the phone attender to pray for something. I don't believe in 'unspoken' prayer requests, where you don't actually know what the request is but asked to pray blindly.

I don't believe group prayer has more strength than individual prayer. I don't believe pastor's prayer has more effect than the congregant's prayer. I don't believe in those books about 'How to pray?'. I don't believe in 'prayer warriors'. I don't believe the elders prayer is more effective than the youngsters. I don't believe that the people who pray more are more spiritual. I don't believe in praying in tongues.

I have heard people saying "It's my prayer what brought him/her to Christ". I don't believe it. I have heard people saying "It's because of our earnest fasting and prayer that he/she is healed.". Again, I do not believe that. I don't believe that prayer is more effective when we quote Scriptures. I don't believe that the various problems in life (sickness, finance problems, job loss, sins, relationship problems etc) are due to a lack of good prayer life.

I don't believe in religiously praying before each meal, travel etc. I don't believe that the evening 'family prayer' is what keeps a family from falling apart. I do not believe God answers all prayers. I do not believe that God is obligated to answer our prayers. I do not believe the prayer prayed in a church setting is more effective than the prayer done at home, car or coffee shop.

I don't believe in parents doing a "prayer-show" with the intention to get their kids to be more spiritual like them.

I don't believe in promising people that "I will pray for you" every time when he/she shares some burden with me, unless there is a genuine desire in my heart to do that. I do not believe in praying for forgiveness every time I sin. I don't believe in praying out of guilt.

These are the few things I believe about prayer:

The only reason I pray is because I have a desire to talk to my Heavenly Father.
When I pray, regardless of what I am praying for, my attitude always has to be, "Lord, if it's your will...".
I don't muster up prayer just for the sake of praying.
The most hart-felt prayers are not necessarily found in my mouth, rather they are in my heart.
I pray enthusiastically when the Lord himself puts a desire in my heart to pray.
I believe in the sovereignty of God and believe that He is always in control regardless of whether people pray or not.
Prayer (talking to God), in my mind, has to be a natural result of being in a relationship with Him.
When it comes to prayer (or anything else), motivation behind it matters the most.
If you believe in His unconditional love and awesome grace, you will find yourself thanking Him more, than asking Him to do things.

Lastly and more importantly,

Regardless of whether my prayer was answered the way I want it or not, I am still at peace and in total contentment because I know the fact that my Father is in total control of my life and there is nothing which can separate me from His love.

The most difficult prayer

I think the reason we pray more and listen less is because we are not ready to give up our control. I tend to tell God what to do, which is kind of foolish if we think about it. I desperately want all the circumstances in my control and I desire to have things going the way I want.

To me, the most difficult prayer is - "Your will be done". It's scary. I feel like losing all my control, giving up my agendas (which I am not used to)...

Could we pray like this?

When we lose our job
- "Your will be done"

When we face foreclosure
- "Your will be done"

When our children make foolish decisions
- "Your will be done"

When we find out we have cancer
- "Your will be done"

When we lose our loved ones
- "Your will be done"

When your spouse leaves you for another man/woman
- "Your will be done"

When our comfort zones are challenged
- "Your will be done"

When a hurricane hits our area
- "Your will be done"

When our loved ones reject Jesus
- "Your will be done"

If we can't pray this prayer, how can we:

Give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus? - (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Rethinking 'Prayer'

Prayer is one of the essential components of any religion. Though they all do it in different ways, everybody believes in some sort of prayer. I think even atheists believe in prayer. I have heard some say that prayer is nothing but talking to our own heart. When it comes to Christianity, prayer is one of the concepts which has been ruined and tossed back and forth among many denominations. I have seen some extremes in this area such as a short prayer like, “God bless this. In Jesus’ name. Amen” to long lasting prayer chains.

We used to have evening prayer in our family ever since we became believers in Christ. It usually starts with a song and then one of us will pray for everything. I have to say I have prayed genuine prayers in those times , but I have also prayed fake prayers just to get rid of the guilt of not praying. In essence, it became a ritual in no time. It became a burden. There were times we didn’t know which song to sing, so we just sing one of the songs we know the lyrics well for the sake of singing it. There were times when we go back and forth on who should pray. In reality nobody wants to really pray but since we have to do that ritual, so we look at each other with the face, 'it's your turn today'.

I have also prayed to show off my spirituality. One example would be praying before a meal. We used to pray before every meal no matter whether it is at home or at restaurant. Within no time, that too became a ritual. We came to a point where we couldn’t eat without saying a prayer. Sometimes I have no patience to wait for everybody so I pray a silent prayer and start eating.

Prayer became a learned behavior. We thought, as Christians we should pray in certain occasions. I have learned to construct some great statements to insert into my prayer including bible verses. Somebody told us that we have to quote the promises in the bible to God to make the prayer more effective. (As though, we need to remind God about His promises). One great example would be the prayer for healing. People quote lot of promises of healing in the Bible to make God to heal the sick. It is like a bargaining.

Another thing I should mention is the Lord’s Prayer. This is one of the portions of the Bible which has been misinterpreted and misused among a lot of people. Some people recite this prayer 50 or 100 times. I wish they had read the verses prior to that prayer in Mathew 5: And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.. That’s exactly what they do with the Lord’s prayer: babbling like pagans, using many words and meaningless repetition. What a tragedy! I think the reason God gave us one mouth and two ears is to talk less and listen more.

Another thing I myself struggled with even after coming to an understanding of Grace is, if God knows everything why even pray? What's the point?
I think God has revealed something to me in this regard. He gave me a non religious, simple insight into the reason why we should pray. Today, I can say that prayer is nothing but conversing with God. I want to converse with my Father. Why? The same reason I want to converse with my wife. I talk to her because I love her. I talk to my Father because I love Him. He talk to me because He loves me. There is absolutely no other reason to talk to Him. Bible says, ‘pray continually’. Can you imagine inserting some pre-constructed statements, raising our hands and kneeling down before each time we talk to our heavenly Father? It doesn't look like a healthy relationship at all. Healthy relationships do not need formalism. Healthy relationships do not need to schedule time to talk.

Some of the greatest conversations I have had with Father is while driving. There is no one to distract. I don't have to watch my grammar. I don't have to be conscious. It is a free talk.
Prayer is not necessarily filling the air with chatter, the most important part of prayer is listening. We don't have to begin our day with the laundry list. He already knows our needs. He has something to tell us if we are ready to listen. One of the primary ways he talks to us is through His word. The other day while I was reading from Ephesians he spoke to me from a small verse.

the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession

Look at that! We are God's possession! He owns us! If He owns us, how much do we need to remind Him to bless us? How much difference a few mere words from our mouth can make? I can very well say a lot of things using my mouth which are totally contrary to what I have in my heart. So, does He bother for the many words I speak? I have also had situations in my life where I didn't even know what to pray. There were situations where not even a single word came out of my mouth but my heart was heavy and burdened. How am I going to say a nice prayer at that moment?

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. (Romans 8:26)

What a relief! God can hear us without even a single word from our mouth! The Spirit who lives in us intercedes for us. It is a Spirit to Spirit communication. We don't understand all the details. We have no clue how spirit is communicating. But we can trust Him. Or we can act as if we know how to pray 'in the Spirit'. The Spirit who owns us knows what is best for us. Can we trust Him? The more we trust Him the less we need to beg and instruct. The more we trust the more we can enjoy conversing with Him. He has provided us everything we need to enjoy a loving, intimate, trusting relationship with Him. He asked us to call Him "Abba" (Daddy) not 'God of Abraham, Isac and Jacob'. It gives us the confidence to trust Him for the desires of our heart or the burdens of our heart, even the ones which cannot be expressed using words.