Monday, August 3, 2009

Trusting others

I want to learn to trust people. I was raised in a home where I was taught to be always 'cautious' about others, and the surroundings. A pattern has been developed in my brain that I shouldn't trust anyone by default. My default setting is mistrust and skepticism. It goes beyond people to ideas, philosophies, theologies etc.

This is part of the reason I would ignore the broken cars on the freeway. I know they might need help but I can't trust them.

Mostly I pay no attention to the authors/preachers unless I know them in person or someone whom I trust recommend them. I find it hard to take risk there. I always get uncomfortable when my kids, out of their innocence, attempt to talk to strangers. What if they have an intention to harm my kids?

I know wisdom and a spirit of discernment plays a good role in judging others and their intentions. But I find it hard to balance myself. Deep in my heart, I want to trust people and I want to love people, even strangers regardless of how they look, what they wear etc.

Do you struggle with this issue? Do you trust people first and then love them Or do you love them first and then grow your trust in them? Is fear the cause of mistrust? Shouldn't we fearlessly trust people with a willingness in our heart to face the consequences if we were wrong in judging them as trustworthy?


Anonymous said...

Self preservation keeps us wary.

We can't just rush in otherwise we might be endagering our family as well. They depend on us.

Terry Rayburn said...

The Bible teaches us to not put our trust in men, but to only trust the Lord.

However trusting the Lord may lead us to wade into a crowd of totally untrustworthy people, and trust the Lord to work it all to good.

How do we know when to put ourselves in the hands of untrustworthy men?


But wisdom doesn't always dictate the "safe" route. Sometimes wisdom counter-intuitively leads us into risk.

Risk that even confounds our own understanding.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5,6)


Leonard said...

Yes I do struggle with that one, the thing that came to mind while reading this is that time the bible says that He didn't commit himself to them all cus he knew what was in them, or something to that effect,,, anyways going to have to think on this one more cus I don't have all the answers but do feel pretty safe with some but not all so I'm thinking maybe as I learn to trust the Master more, "grow in Grace", then I can be more dependent on his discernment instead of mine...

Thanks for sharing this.

ps. How'd the birthday party go off last weekend ??? tell Punchy "leonard is hoping she saved me some cake" LoL.. well i guess it would be possible to freeze some , but make sure she knows i was only kidding...

ps. ps. send cake, im going out to the mail box and wait,,, no kidding... ;-)

Jamie said...

Bino, what an intriguing post. You know me; I choose to love buuuuut I would be less than honest if I said that hasn't led to hurt sometimes. I am trying to reconcile the fact that my giving isn't dependent on others' response: good or bad. Look at David & Saul. David graced Saul in all things. Jesus gave without counting the cost. BUT He did say to be as wise as a serpant not just as gentle as a dove. Discernment and listening to the Spirit must be our guiding motivation not just "good" intentions. Goodness produced from our flesh is still from the wrong tree. We are to give LIFE, right?

The Lewis Family said...

I wonder if the issue is more judging a person as opposed to mistrusting a person. I can't say I implicitly trust people (for I have seen how untrustwothy I am without Jesus), but I do my best not to judge and I tend to look for the best in the person/situation. That possibly could get me into trouble, but i find that Dan (my husband) will balance me out if I go too extreme, just as i will balance him out if he goes in the opposite extreme. He is the one who locks the doors at night. If he leaves it up to me, chances are that the doors will still be unlocked.

I am aware that horrid things can happen to people, but i don't live in fear of it happening. That would drive me nuts if I lived like that. . . That being said, I am very protective of my children in terms of who's house they go to. I would not let them spend a night at a friends whose parent's I don't know well enough. I just know from experience that my kids aren't old enough to be able to remove themselves from a nasty situation.

So, I always hope the person I meet has "good" intent, but I am not surprised or dismayed if they don't. Therefore, I try not too judge, but i do try to discern and love regardless. . .

The Lewis Family said...

Hilarious, Jamie and I were writing our responses at exactly the same time and we both put the word "good" intent in quotations. I am so amused!

ok ok, so it doesn't take much. . .

Gary Kirkham said...

I think that as long as we live in a fallen world, there is much to distrust. I don't see anything wrong with being wary of strangers, I think God gave us the capacity and the (I hate to use the word) duty to protect our families from danger. I also think that we should protect ourselves from false teaching and the Spirit definitely gives us discernment.

Trust is about relationships. I think you can trust someone without necessarily loving them. The trust is built on knowing them and their character and it is something that is built over time. Agape love expects nothing in return and isn't dependent on our response to it. Jesus loved those that crucified Him, both before and after the act. He committed Himself to them, not out of trust, but out of love for us and (again, I hate to use the word) obedience to the Father.

Bino M. said...

I want to thank each on of you for sharing your thoughts here. It means a lot to me. It's all very wise.

As responding to this post on FB, one person said, she find it easy to love than to trust. I am the same. I think trust is something which has to be developed over the time (if two people are in a relationship). But love is still possible, we can show love to even strangers.

I think I believe in love-at-first-sight (not only in case of romance), but i think trust-at-first-sight is difficult.

Like, many of you said, leaning on the Holy Spirit who dwells in us is the key. I think what Jamie said regarding this is quote-worthy:

"Discernment and listening to the Spirit must be our guiding motivation not just "good" intentions. "

Goodness produced from our flesh is still from the wrong tree.

It speak volumes!

Again, thank you all and much love and grace to all of you...

The Lewis Family said...

Hey Bino,

I just had a revelation, which to me is revelevent to the conversation stirred up here. So, check it out if you feel like it. . . I just posted it on my blog.

Bino M. said...


I just read your post about freely loving people and that you have a desire to love them regardless of where they are in life. Exactly! I find the issue of trust as a hindrance to love. At least in some cases. But like you say, we can still love people freely. But to me, trust is something we develop over the time. This is also true in our relationship with God. We start with seeing His love for us, the more we see it, the more we learn to trust Him. And then that trust goes to all areas of our life. Its interesting that we initially trust Him for our eternal life, but fail to trust him in small things of life. But as we get rooted and established in His love, our trust widens and deepens.

Thank you for sharing... I am learning a lot from these various insights I receive.