Obey or burn

"Obedience". A word Christian religion (or any religion, for that matter) is fascinated about. I have searched the Bible looking for the various techniques to implement obedience as I began my serious Christian walk. Later on, I found this verse : "train yourself to be godly" ( 1 Timothy 4:7). I heard it over and over from a radio preacher and every single time I listened to his sermon, I used to get all motivated. Motivated to 'train' myself to be godly. I figured out that, what is lacking in my Christian life was nothing but a strict, hard-core obedience. if I can make that happen, I would be the most happiest person in the world, I thought.

I pictured myself as a person preparing for an Olympic race. The preacher kept on preaching about the pain, struggle and commitment each Olympic medal winner goes through before they get to their final race. He said, its all worth when we win.

I wanted to win the gold medal. You know, at the time of judgment.

I considered Bible as my coach. I looked for instructions - moral, spiritual, social, behavioral, even dietary guidelines (there was time in my life I stopped eating pork). At any cost, I had to win in the final analysis.

As I jumped through each loops of obedience, I felt so good. I felt proud about myself. I felt proud about my religion. As a result of being strong, committed and ultra self-righteous, I started looking down on people who didn't obey like I did. You know, those sinners! I knew they were going to burn in hell. I couldn't wait to see that.

I had this picture in my mind that God is going to weigh all our obedience on a scale and then make a decision about our eternity.

Can you relate to the never ending cycle of self-analysis? Analyzing each thoughts, decisions and actions. It is a pre-occupation with self. If you had to watch my life, the destructive narcissism was so evident in everything I said and did.

In all my vigorous 'godliness-training', I missed the whole point. Each day, I was dragging my filthy rags to God and making myself a fool for missing out His love and the forgiveness provided on the cross. I labored from the OT premise of "master-slave" mentality and terribly failed to see the beautiful, new covenant-based "Father-son" relationship.

Each time I declared my righteousness through obedience, I was making the cross of Christ a mockery.

Within few years, I was burned out. I felt miserable like hell. As I failed more and more in my attempts to obey, my self-righteousness started turning into self-hatred. The more I failed, the more I felt like rejected by God. My question was, I am genuinely trying to obey His tenants, why is he letting me fail?

It was a never ending cycle of self-righteousness, arrogance, pride, self-pettiness and depression.

I don't want to go there anymore. I am learning to live from the Life within. I want to to be internally driven, not externally. There are no abilities residing in my flesh to live a righteous Christian life, so I leave it to Jesus who lives in me. I am going to trust Him to do it for me, through me. After all, he has called us to a rest (Sabbath rest), not to a struggle.

Ohio...

I battled with nervousness, excitement, and various inexpressible feelings as I was getting ready to head out to Sandusky, Ohio on Friday to meet with some people whom I have only interacted online. I knew they were real. I knew they knew Jesus. I knew they have a grip on the message I believe, the message of God's unconditional love and grace. I knew all that. That was the exciting fact. But still I was nervous. Nervous about my accent, color, possible cultural differences and what not.

However, I am here to tell the world that it wasn't anything like I thought. The common thread among all of us was very visible, natural and there wasn't any struggle. The heart-to-heart connection was so evident. Meeting with Leonard, Jamie, Joel and Matthew was like a dream coming true and I felt that we were all in one spirit right away. We didn't have to say it loud, we all knew it.

It is a God thing, a chemistry.

Sitting on the park bench and talking about God, life, grace and Jesus was more than enjoyable, calming and serene. I think I can do it for days, weeks, months and years...

Sitting around the fire, cracking jokes, walking around the park, Ryan's guitar treat...

I observed the peace, joy and love in everybody's eyes. It changed my life. I was probably the least expressive among us. These are people who love others whole heatedly, without any reservation. I am convinced only God's love can achieve this.

Thank you Jamie, Matthew, Joel and Leonard... I love you all. Thank you Ryan for telling about farm and farming, It was more than fascinating. Thank you Tracy for those tasty tacos. Thank you Savannah for organizing the Catch Phrase game. It was a total blast! I will remember some of those spontaneous jokes during the game for the rest of my life. Thank you for those ripstick skateboard lessons too. And thank you Noelle and Jared for the impression you made in my heart about how well behaved children can be.

What was it that brought these people together like this? Was it religion? Was it a particular caste, denomination, or class? Was it people trying to show their 'Christian principles'? Was it trying to earn brownie points with God? Was it the name-sake 'fellowship'? It wasn't any of that. It was simply the love of Jesus working in and through each one of us... His agape working through our transformed hearts...


The bloggers - Leonard, Bino, Matthew, Jamie, and Joel


All of us - Bino, Leonard, Matthew, Jamie, Jared, Ryan, Savannah, Noelle, Tracy and Joel.

More pictures are there on Better than we know and Grace Roots

Fear...

Fear causes us to stumble...
Fear causes us to pretend...
Fear causes us to withdraw...
Fear causes us to be unreal...
Fear causes us to fake...
Fear causes us to be suppressive...
Fear causes us to be oppressive...
Fear causes us to be angry...
controlling...
manipulating...
cruel...
impatient...
complying...
protective...
possessive...
dominating...
shameful...
doubting...
argumental..
protesting...
yelling...
sick...
unproductive...
lifeless...
warring...
envying...
self destructive...
insecured...
uncreative..
rigid...
bound...
inexpressible...
constrained...
paralyzed...
suicidal...
...

And the only true solution to fear is...

Perfect Love!

[1 John 4:18]

Be loved! Be fearless!

'Deliberately' sinning...

I had struggled with the confusion about what it means to sin deliberately. I have heard so many sermons from the pulpit saying that if you commit some sin and ask forgiveness from God, after repenting, He will forgive you (Need Scripture ref? Look at 1 John 1:9). I did it for years and years. It was kind of like a license to me that I thought, if I can just confess whatever I did and can get forgiven at the end of the day, that's a pretty good deal.

Another thing I have heard from the same pulpits is that sinning is okay as long as you confess; but if you deliberately sin, it is a sin against Holy Spirit, which will not be forgiven. They call it 'unpardonable' sin. And they quote few verses including the famous Hebrews 10:26.

Then I was confused.

If I look into my heart honestly, I have to admit one thing : Every single sin I do, I do it deliberately! When I act selfish, I do it deliberately. When I shout at my wife, that's pretty deliberate. When I cuss the drivers who cut me off on the freeway, that's deliberate. When I lust, that is deliberate. When I envy my co-worker, that's deliberate. What sin is not deliberate? I thought I had no hope.

Is there something called accidental sins?

Did Jesus take away ALL the sins at the cross or just the 'accidental' sins? Did He leave the deliberate sins upto us to deal with, so that we can come up with our own ideas about how to get forgiven? Did He build confession booths for us to go in and confess and get forgiven? Or did He say, "without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness"? Did He die for ALL sins of ALL people? Or Did He die for some sins of some people? Did He say "it's partially finished"? Or did He say "It's Finished" (Paid in full)?

Is sin still an issue between God and man? If so, how do we deal with it without the shedding of blood?

Is God recording any video?

I just read an excellent post written by Steve McVey on his blog (its written for his new book -"52 Lies Taught In Church Every Sunday" ). In this particular post, he is addressing one of the many lies taught by the church over the years - that our sins are 'covered' under the blood of Jesus.

It sounded right to me that for so many years in my life I believed it. Along with that theology, I had always unconsciously believed that if my sins are covered, He could just dig it up whenever he want to condemn me. I thought, if he wouldn't dig it open in this life, he would certainly expose it one by one on the day of judgment (like it being shown in a recorded video) and accuse me about each of my sins. I was so insecure about that video he is recording. I could never live free because of it. Talk about fear, insecurity, bondage and lifelessness!

The good news is, He isn't recording. In fact, the Devil was recording for sometime, but God (in Christ) snatched it out of his hands and erased it and destroyed the tape. It will NEVER be brought back! Its a done deal. It's FINISHED!

Steve, in his post said it like this: "He has rewritten your history by taking away the sins of your past and giving you the history of Christ Himself."

Here is the entire post - Lies Taught In Church Every Sunday

The 'Christian' difference.

As a Christian, sometimes I deliberately try to make a difference. Its kind of silly. I try to give a good and nice impression about my life to others. It is my own proclamation, out of my insecurity, that "Look, I am a happy, problem-free person BECAUSE I am a Christian and more than that I am a believer in the grace of God. You have problems? Too bad. You are a loser! I have found the secret spiritual formula for a problem-free life. Humble yourself and ask of me, I might share the secret with you!"

Why are Christians so insecure and some are so adamant to even admit that they have struggles in life? I am here to tell you that, my life is NOT 'heaven on earth'. My life is a life of imperfection, trouble and often times a mess. I have no secret spiritual formula for a perfect life.

I have financial struggles, sickness and all that, just like the heathens. Pretty much anything you can think of.

Yes, I am settled deep inside me because of the fact that I know for sure that God is in control of my life and everything around me. I am secured there. I don't have a feeling that I am 'missing' something. The emptiness in my heart was mysteriously and wonderfully filled by Christ Jesus. I am not seeking anything 'more'.

But, at the same time, I am not in a state of spiritual 'nirvana' all the time. I am not even walking by faith 24/7. I have the regular problems of the regular people. Didn't Jesus say that "you will have trouble in this world"? Did Jesus offer a perfect life here on earth? I think not.

If I had my life to live over again...

If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more
mistakes next time.

I would relax, I would limber up, I would be sillier than
I have been this trip.

I know of very few things I would take seriously.
I would take more trip. I would be crazier.

I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers, and
watch more sunsets.

I would do more walking and looking.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would have more actual troubles, and fewer imaginary
ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who live life
prophylactically and sensibly hour after hour, day after day.

Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over again
I'd have more of them.

In fact, I'd try to have nothing else, just moments, one
after another, instead of living so many years
ahead each day.

I've been one of those people who
never go anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot-water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, aspirin, and a parachute.

If I had to do it over again I would go places, do things,
and travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over I would start barefooted
earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

I would play hookey more.
I wouldn't make such good grades, except by accident.
I would ride on more merry-go-rounds.
I'd pick more daisies.

- written by a friar in a Nebraska monastery.