How grace destroyed my prayer life.

My prayer usually started with "My loving father in heaven" for a long time. Eventually I got bored with that salutation, so I tried few others such as "My precious Father", "Our loving gracious Father in heaven" or simply "Lord Jesus". I was taught that quoting Scriptures while praying is very effective. In other words, we might get more action from God if we claim things which he had promised in the Scriptures but have forgotten to give to us.

Every time, during the family prayer in the evening, I wanted to make sure my kids followed the Christian discipline of sitting in full attention with their eyes closed. I was proud of being a perfect Christian Dad, making sure even our 2 year old followed my strict prayer-time discipline.

Depending on who is present, most of my public prayers were directed to them, kind of using the prayer time to preach to them or to show off my religiosity. After all, that’s the only time they are forced to be silent and listen to me. When my parents (who are not protestant Christians) are present, I threaten them through my prayer about the countless punishments God is going to send on them if they don't accept my belief system. My conscious effort there was to prove them wrong and prove me right.

Depending on whom I am praying with, my prayer changed. I pray the most hypocritical prayer if there are unbelievers around. In the midst of super hyper believers, I pray as if I am also super hyper like them. You know, praying for the souls perishing all over the world? I knew how to add a touch of unbearable pain to the tone of my prayer to make it more dramatic.

Do you want to add more excitement and power to your prayer? Add more loud "Hallelujahs".

In short, my public prayer was a show and my private prayer was mostly a laundry list of things I thought I couldn't live without.

Grace destroyed all this drama and made it unbelievably simple. I can't believe I did all that for so many years. I feel embarrassed. Now when I pray, I hardly know that I am praying. It is like talking to a real person. It's a joyful occasion of tremendous freedom, peace and love. I don't mind talking silly things to Him. Now I don't necessarily want anyone around when I pray because I know that my prayer might sound very silly and child-like; mostly do not make any sense to the people who don't know where I am coming from.

And I think that's ok.

What's new?

I am tremendously blessed by the love and encouragement I received from my brothers and sisters through comments to my last post, emails, FB messages etc. I want to thank each one of you from the bottom of my heart. I also want to thank Jesus for this on-line community I am part of. Though its electronic and 2 dimensional, blogging and facebooking are already a huge part of my life now.

In the last post, I mentioned about a pending job opportunity. I want to update everyone that It has worked out in my favor. After a lengthy process (background check etc) and a lot of paper work, on Monday I started on the new job at Ford Motor Company. It's been only 2 days, but so far I like it. Just like any new job, there are times I feel stupid and clueless :). But I think I will get over it as I get the clearer picture of the tasks I have to do in the coming days. I am excited about this opportunity and kind of eager to work.

So, thats the good news!

I like to add something I read over at Joel's blog as an encouragement to those who are currently unemployed and struggling in various ways:

There's nothing going on that God's not aware of. He's in us, He is our life.

He's someone who is conscious about us all the time - inclined toward us all the time - and ever aware of what we're thinking, feeling, saying, doing, being, wanting, contemplating, desiring...

I believe it. Our God is not passive (though sometimes we feel so). He is always holding us in His hands. We are safe, secured and He will turn things into our favor at the end. We may not know how. But He will.

Once again, thank you all and I love you all.

I am still here.

It's been over a month since I have written anything here. The truth is I didn't have much to share and I didn't feel like doing posts religiously. My primary source of encouragement and spiritual food is usually books and I haven't been reading a lot lately. Reading is what usually keep my mind alive and helps me to focus and stretch my thinking a little.

On September 30th, I became officially unemployed and my wife is unemployed since Aug 30. So in the past few weeks we were spending a lot of our time and energy to upgrade our skills set, posting resumes, attending calls etc. To get a job in this economy, especially here in Motor city, we ought to be very competitive because there are not many hiring and those who hire, hire only the best of the best.

On the otherside, the whole ordeal has been very humbling and it gives me time to reflect upon the lives of people who are struggling without job. It helps me to slow down and spend more time with kids. I am not 'on the go' all the time now.

There are couple of options (contract positions) pending for me which I will have more clarity next week. So I am still waiting. If everything goes well, I will have some official confirmation sometime next week. I don't know what God has in store for me. I will post an update later next week.

I also find myself picking books back again since last week. I am currently reading "Loving our kids on purpose" by Danny Silk, which I am liking very much. It's about parenting from a grace-perspective - love, trust and freedom; just the contrary to much of the worldly parenting principles. I am glad it's not a 'how-to' book.

Thats all for now. Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts and encouragements. I have a lot of unread blog posts in my google reader and I am planning on catching up some of my blog reading in the coming days. Much love, grace and peace to you all.

Religious Pragmatism

I read this quote somewhere:

'A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.'

While I don't necessarily agree to this (at least not in all the cases), I would probably agree to a slightly modified version of it:

A great many people think they are "proving" when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Once my Mom told me, if you want you can prove that there isn't any God, using Bible verses. She is not a philosopher and I am pretty sure she heard it from someone else. But there is some truth in it.

Often times people go into the mode of 'proving' AFTER making up their mind. They confront others in an effort to make them buy their ideas while using Bible as a means. "Bible says so...", so I believe. A good example would be, today's churches using verses from the book of Malachi to establish the practice of tithing.

They search Scriptures after making up their minds. They find verses which support what they want to believe. It is like writing the story of the movie after fixing the actors.

This is exactly the mindset behind the religious pragmatism. They think truth is whatever works. If I get results it has to be good. Tithing works, it gives results, so it should be good. The next step is simple: find verses supporting it. "Law" works, it gives immediate results, so it should be good, then follow the simple step of finding the verses. Universalism sounds good, lets find verses supporting it!

To quote AW Tozer on this, he says it like this:

...Preoccupation with appearances and a corresponding neglect of the out-of-sight root of the true spiritual life are prophetic signs which go unheeded. Immediate "results" are all that matter, quick proofs of present success without a thought of next week or next year. Religious pragmatism is running wild among the orthodox. Truth is whatever works. If it gets results it is good. There is but one test for the religious leader: success. Everything is forgiven him except failure...

The sad part is, the results (success) achieved through these practices are merely external. It gratifies only feelings, emotions, insecurities, appearances and our superstitious fears. It isn't good for setting people free, instead it puts them into much bondage. It encourages people to fake.

Ask a Catholic, he would say he 'feel' good when he attend a Mass. So it should be good and spiritual. The thing is everything that feels good is not spiritual. Even, not all good things are spiritual. Everything that 'works' isn't spiritual either. Anything to be called as spiritual, it has to be based on some absolute, unmoving TRUTH. Such absolute truth is not of this world because this world and the people in it are not absolute and unmoving. What works today may not work tomorrow. Everything changes - culture, moral standards, ethics, climate, economy, technology, theology, religion and pretty much everything.

Churches have found a lot of things 'working' and made it into traditions - altar calls, tithing, pastoral authority, organizational structure, pew and pulpit system and all that.

God's grace is a contradiction to 'practical theology'. Grace isn't practical in human terms. It is the impracticality what makes it grace. If it was practical, why call it grace? This is where I have problem when people say God's grace enables them to obey the law. What an oxymoronic statement! You might feel good when you think you are obeying the law. But pls. don't mix grace with your stupidity. Grace is grace! You cannot comprehend it with your dumb mind. You can live in it if you have the mind of Christ.

Yes, it is a fact that our puny brain cannot understand God's grace. I think it is a good thing, because grace was never meant to be understood with our head. Grace is against everything our head want to believe. Our head is so very practical. Grace is totally contrary to any human logic.

It's a heart thing. It's a God thing.

And it comes to our heart through REVELATION. Our heart can accept an impractical/illogical thing only through revelation, not through education. So lets lean on God so that He will reveal this thing called grace, and once you have it, you can pretty much live the rest of your life in total amazement, with an overflowing heart of gratitude towards God. That is what Christian life is all about. It defiles human intelligence.

My 'Performance-Based Acceptance' Story

I am sharing this story as part of the synchroblog idea Joel came up with. The biggest challenge for me to write this up here is about how to make it short. :)

I was born in a very orthodox Christian family, where my parents, grand parents and many generations practiced Eastern Orthodox religion (a branch of Greek Orthodox). Religion, church, and related rituals were all part of our life during childhood. Starting with my parents, continuing with my teachers at school and Sunday school, including the church clergies, pretty much all the people I ever came to know in my life, in one way or the other, knowingly or unknowingly have tried to put pressure on me to perform/behave in a certain way. In other words, no one wanted to accept me as who I was. Everyone expected something from me - from good grades in school to good behaviors at church.

All these, including many incidents through out my childhood, slowly started to inject a deadly poison into my brain - that my worth is directly depended on my performance.

Later on, in my late twenties, I was introduced to Pentecostalism, where I learned the idea of being born-again first time in my life. I saw it in the Bible that Jesus is the only means for Salvation (which the orthodox church never taught!). I got saved by believing in Jesus. It brought a lot of joy into my life.

But, sooner my focus started changing. I started falling into 'doing' stuff, thinking that is what God expected from me as a Christian. It all got powered up by the faulty concept many of us has learned during our life time - that our worth is directly depending on our performance.

The following few years, my life was a roller-coaster ride of performance, gaining Bible knowledge, religious show off, emotional experiences, faith formulas, prosperity gospel, prophecies, health and wealth, name it and claim it, end times and all that you can think of.

I started following the popular beliefs of 'churchianity'.

As a follower of churchianity, I have always thought I have to do 'big' things for God. I remember, few months after becoming a Christian I started participating in the evangelical programs of the church. I went to university campus to reach out to the students with the message of gospel. I visited homes telling them about Jesus. I distributed ‘free chilled water’ in summer for the commuters, handing over tracts along with water bottles. When some people hesitated to accept the tracts I thought that was ‘persecution’ and felt so proud that I am being persecuted for Christ! I acted in bible dramas to reach out to unbelievers. I felt so good because I was doing all the big things. Sometimes I forgot my small family back at home waiting for me. I walked with big bibles and expositories in my hand and engaged in big theological discussions. ‘End times’ was one of my favorites. People considered me as a person who is ‘fired up’ for Jesus. I liked the attention I started to get. I did more to bring more attention. I was busy and acted busy as well around others. I enjoyed the praises of elders and pastors. I appeared happy and busy for God on Sundays. After all these, on Monday when I wake up I was dry and miserable like hell. I was impatient towards my wife. I wondered what Jesus meant by the 'spring of water welling up in us'. I had no joy. I used to cry out to God while driving to office, to bring joy in my life. I negotiated with Him about the big things I am doing. I reminded Him the things I did and demanded 'joy'.

I was focused on doing big things while forgetting the small things - resting in Him, enjoying His life, abiding in Him just like a branch, allowing Him to live His life through me, learning to be contented in all the circumstances (As Paul said in Philippians 4:10-14).

He heard my prayer and I got His attention (or He got my attention?) in the year of 2006. He put me through a revolution, a grace revolution. His radical grace started changing my outlook on everything radically. He revealed the truth of His gospel and showed me the freedom He offered. He taught me to read the Bible for what it means, not just what it says. He changed my perception of Him that He isn't an angry God waiting up there to whack us when we misbehave, but a loving, compassionate God who operates from the paradigm of amazing GRACE. I started seeing myself as He sees me, as a new creation in Christ who is accepted into His family as His own precious child on the sole basis of what Jesus did, not what I do/did/will do.

I started unlearning religion. It still contines, even today...

Make no mistake, this isn't an easy journey. There are many lonely moments. There is opposition. This is not a popular belief. This isn't about following the majority. There is pressure from legalistic sources. There is confusion, doubts, questions, challenges and all that. But, regardless of any of it, I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. He has given me the confidence, that no matter how I mess up, I can still snuggle back into His lap and call Him "Abba, Father!". And there is nothing, nothing which can separate me from His love. NOTHING!

Be free...

"In all my years as a Christian, I have never heard anyone say, "I've had it! I am sick to death of the love and grace of God. I'm sick of other Christians loving and accepting me. I'm giving up this Christian life." No I've never heard that. But I couldn't count the number of Christians I've known who have given up because of being under law, who have been broken by the crushing burden of trying to be good enough to earn God's acceptance, who have been mangled by the competition, the judging, and the demands to conform to some group's standards. "We'll accept you if you look like, walk like, talk like, and act like us." And the implication is always, "And God will, too." So what are we to do?

Jesus Christ came to free us from the burden of the law by calling us to a life united with His. We are beloved, accepted children of God, who have been called to His "banquet table" to experience Jesus Christ living in and through us every day. Abundant life is not "pie-in-the-sky" or nebulous theory. It is real, and it is ours for the taking if we will only believe. Let's not settle for anything less. "

- Bob George (Classic Christianity)

Grace isn’t flashy, but it’s ‘weird’

Sometimes I think this thing about grace cannot be captured through writing blogs or books. It can't be contained in any digital, electronic or physical form. Because there is nothing to be 'seen'. We can't make a movie about grace or God's love. If we try to do so, we will do injustice to the depth of His love. There is nothing 'flashy' about this. We can't add a 'mega' to it and make it to the headlines. His kingdom is unseen; there aren’t big buildings and flashy people. It’s about ordinary people living in a relationship with Jesus.

Jesus was the same. He chose ‘Bethlehem’ to be born. A barn was Mary's 'labor and recovery' room and a manger was Jesus's comfy crib. Mary herself was an ordinary woman. Jesus was extraordinary by being ordinary, He chose everything ordinary or even below ordinary. That's true about His love. If it was today, the mainstream media wouldn't probably notice. Who would care what is happening in a tiny town in a tiny country? There might be some local news papers making fun of the 'carpenter-turned-spiritual-guru' who was born out of wed-lock and of his ‘weird’ set of disciples.

He didn't build mega churches and wasn't the most influential evangelical Christian. The entire nation didn’t admire Him. He was a regular guy – mostly homeless, hungry, thirsty and ultimately was killed like a criminal. His message wasn’t about material prosperity. It wasn’t about finding happiness in the ‘stuff’ of this world. He didn’t mail out letters seeking ‘partners’ for His ministry. His message wasn’t about how to make the best out of this world. He said, we are in the world but not of the world. He said he came with a sword to make divisions. Do you think today’s politically correct crowd would accept someone who says he is here to make divisions?

I can tell you from my experience, grace does make divisions. It is true.

Jesus wasn’t necessarily eloquent and didn’t posses much charisma. He talked straight. He was blunt. He was not politically correct. He didn’t give the expected answers for their questions. I doubt he was even good looking despite the fact that some of the movies and pictures portray Him as handsome and attractive.

Why is the people who has accepted the grace of God, a minority? And probably going to be a minority always? Because grace isn’t flashy! Grace is about love and it’s about RECEIVING love, it isn’t about earning or achieving, thus it goes against the grain of the religion of ‘self improvement’. It is about humility. It’s about laying down our pride of self-righteousness and accepting the GIFT of righteousness. It is not about ’10 spiritual things you can do to improve the quality of your life’. It isn’t about ‘christ-centered yoga’ to improve your devotional life. It isn’t about ’21 Christian principles for a prosperous life’. Instead, it is about REST. It is about being contented in ALL the circumstances.

Does this world know, what is it being contented in all circumstances? This world would call a person who is not working his butt off, a fool or lazy. This is true in religion as well. If you aren’t a ‘hardworking’ minister, you are probably not eligible to be a minister. Who would hire you if you don’t have a thick resume?

I have stopped looking for a big group of people with whom I can validate my faith because I am convinced that I would be part of a minority as long as I live under grace. I can’t make grace enough flashy to attract people to this message.

I can tell only the truth.

Grace is not going to fix all your problems in this world. Grace is not going to make you rich. Grace is not going to heal you from all your sicknesses. Grace is not going to make you famous. Grace is not going to make you happy all the time. Grace is not going to make you achieve sinless perfection. Throw all those unrealistic expectations out of the window and come to Jesus empty handed and here is the thing: your deep longing to be loved and accepted will be met in Him. Guaranteed! And for eternity He will never leave you nor forsake you. You will be perfectly loved as you are right now, right here without making any behavior changes or self improvements. You will be safe in His hands.

Isn't it 'weird' that someone accepting and loving us perfectly and unconditionally with all our of shortcomings, weaknesses and pettiness?

'Benefits' of being in the institutional church.

To be honest, there are some 'benefits' being in the institutional church for a while and then leave, so that today I can have little fun sharing my experiences with you.

• I can share the torment, heart ache, judgment, foolishness, lifelessness and the double talk I went through with another soul today who is trapped in religion.
• I can chuckle on some of the double standards I held.
• Think and wonder how self-righteous I was.
• How I tried to split the doctrinal hairs of many minor issues in the Bible, while I had everything wrong on the majors in the Bible.
• Today I can share the stories with someone else (who can relate) how difficult it was to hide my true face with a smiley mask.
• How desperately I wanted to sell ‘Jesus’ and evangelize the entire world but couldn’t get even a single soul to the magic level of 'sinner’s prayer'.
• How I admired those with seminary degrees and PhD’s at the end of their names; and felt a bit envious about them seeing all the respect and admiration they get from people.
• How reverent I was in the presence of people with a ‘Rev.’ in front of their names.
• How faithful I was in my tithing that I felt so good, self-righteous and prideful after putting each check in the offering plate.
• How difficult it was to welcome the old ex-prostitute who came to the door and how difficult was it to love her.
• How heated the debate was do determine whether to let her participate in the Lord's supper since she wasn't baptized.
  
• What a perfect devotion I had towards the ‘authority’ of the church and how submissive I was to them.
• How wonderful I felt when they talked about the possibility of including me in the church board.
• The privileges I enjoyed as being an 'official member' of the church and I even dreamed about the nice things people would tell about me during my funeral.
• How wonderful the food was in the fellowship hours after the service and I always appreciated those ice creams and pizzas people brought for their children's birthdays.
• How much sins I confessed during the endless alter calls Sunday after Sunday, and still wondered and worried if I were really forgiven, even saved.
• How beautiful it was to memorize the fruits of the spirit and I find it even challenging to memorize it in the order it is written in Bible; but didn’t have a clue what it was like bearing those fruits in real life.
• How enthusiastically I looked forward to each 'service' in order to get a boost to my spiritual energy.
• How (righteously) angry I was at my wife for being late to dress up kids to go to church on Sunday mornings.
• What a struggle it was to 'keep' my salvation and how much I searched internet to study how conditional the salvation was.
• How desperately I wanted to pursue holiness and acceptance through - fasting, prayer, Bible study, charity, dedication, church work and service.
• How much I admired faith healers and wished (secretly) if I could do the 'blowing' like them so that the entire people in the auditorium would fall like dead bodies.
• How I wanted to show off the thick Bibles/concordances/study tools etc I owned.
• How great I felt when the pastor once told that I pray very well and effectively after listening to one of my public prayers.
• How much I looked forward for the mention of my name by the pastor from pulpit about the tireless services I did for the church.
• How I felt so worthy when once pastor publicly praised me for giving a ride for a family who didn't have a car and lived far away.
• How accurately I learned to define salvation as a step by step process starting from Romans 10:9
• How angry I used to get at the slow old lady drivers while speeding to the church On Sunday mornings while blaming my wife all the way for being late.
• How many times I have used the 'F' word (in my heart) at the sluggish drivers while driving to the 'House of the Lord'!
  
• What a terrible fight my wife and I used to have during the 30 minutes drive to church; but after stepping into the building how cleverly we tried to appear as if we were the happiest couple in the world.
• How wisely I thought it was my wife's job to take care of the kids during the service letting her husband to attend the service and gain all the insights from the preaching, which (I thought) she couldn't gain even if she attended!
• What a dirty hypocrite was I! What a white washed tomb was I! How much I dragged the 'filthy rags' all along...
  

Aaah... Thank God for rescuing me from the unauthentic, hypocritical, self-righteous, unreal, dishonest lifestyle of a Pharisee... and humbling me and putting me back on the solid ground of your awesome grace where love and love alone reigns all the more. Hallelujah!

What a relief it is to be free from institutionalism!

Law & Grace (Re-post)

Under Law Man Says	Under Grace Christ Says
Look at what I'm doing for you!	Look at what I did for you!
Look at how I went to church.	Look at how I went to Calvary.
Look at how I was raised in my denomination.	Look at how I was raised from dead.
Look at how I gave my money.	Look at how I gave My life.
Look at how I confessed my sins.	Look at how I took away your sins.
Look at how I stood against sin.	Look at how I died for your sins.
Look at how I judged the lost world.	Look at how I saved the lost world.
Look at how I marched against evil-doers.	Look at how I suffered for evil-doers.
Look at how I bowed down to you.	Look at how I became one of you.
Look at how I healed the sick.	Look at how I raised the dead.
Look at how I spoke in tongues.	Look at how I spoke in love.
Look at how successful my life was.	Look at how successful My death was.

Source: Classic Christianity Conference Manual

Room to heal.

About two years ago, after going through a lot of emotional, theological, philosophical and social turmoil, we made a decision to stop attending the church which we attended for years. Well, making such a decision was easier than facing the first Sunday after that. The first Sunday came quickly, than I thought. As usual I woke up that day, ready to face the reality that we were not going to church. It was okay at first, but then as the time approached 10:30, I started becoming restless. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t in the church service at 10:30. I felt awkward and nervous; my heart started beating so fast and I even thought something bad is going to happen to us. My mind wandered and I imagined my kids being afflicted with sickness due to God’s anger on us.

Through the debates, conflicts, discussions, reading, listening and thinking God showed me that He never intended His grace to be mixed with law in any form, at any cost. I was convicted and confident when I made the decision to stay out of church. But it wasn't as easy as I thought. So many years of faulty teaching patterned in my brain and on that Sunday everything came to the surface. I was filled with fear. I wasn't sick, I wasn't out of town and I had no other excuse not to attend church other than my own conviction that everything I was taught in the church over the years was dead wrong.

Finally I ran to my computer to listen to some sermons online! I thought I will pass out if I don’t do at least that part of my Sunday routine. My wife went to the basement to sing songs and worship. We both tried to imitate church at home. I was like a nicotine addict who didn’t have a Cigarette to smoke – sweating and all that stuff. So, I listened to Bob George on realanswers.net and felt little relieved, but still not settled, after all it is still my home, not the 'House of the Lord'!

People say once we are out of an addiction, we will never have a temptation. I don’t agree to them. I quit smoking 6 years ago, but I can still, even today, light up a Cigarette and smoke right away.

The second Sunday wasn’t as bad as the first and eventually the pressure melted down. The process of unlearning started, the detox process from a deadly addiction. A very painful process. I admit I still struggle with it. We attended a community church once in a while just to gratify some of our old religious patterns. But when they mix law and grace, I could hardly sit there.

Knocking legalism off our head is a long process, in most cases. The people who come out of legalistic churches go through a lot of stress and I think it is okay to give them some room to heal. I can’t expect them to get going with grace in full-fledge all of a sudden. They might keep going back and forth between law and grace and that is okay as well.

As I was reading through the book of Acts, couple of incidents really stuck out. Such as the below:

Paul wanted to take him [Timothy] along on the journey, so he circumcised him – Acts 16

This is after Paul’s conversion and he is in full swing on preaching and teaching.

The next day Paul took the men and purified [a Jewish religious custom] himself along with them. – Acts 21

It could be, Paul himself was going through a process of shedding his religion or he was being gentle with Jews in order to earn their trust or to reduce the intensity of rebellion from Jews.

Either way, Paul knew how hard it is for a hardcore Jew to accept the salvation by grace when in all their life time they were taught, brain-washed and indoctrinated on the law. I think he was trying to give them some room. It's not really tolerating legalism but tolerating the legalists who are pathetically caught up in the bondage.

It is the same Paul who taught fervently about the danger of mixing law and grace, in the book of Galatians. He even called them ‘Foolish’ since some of them tried to mix law with grace.

Matthew, in his recent post called Getting Grounded, said:

I realized Jesus gave His disciples time to transition from Law to Grace. He wanted to lay the foundation of love and not duty. Of Grace and not Law.

Jesus was patient with His friends, to allow them to grow in Grace and in the knowledge of Him.

I think, we all, in one way or other, responded in anger - overturning the tables. But, laying the foundation in the solid teaching of grace and unconditional love of God is, in most cases, a long process and this realization alone gives me some patience on others who still struggle with legalism and bondage in their life.

"Change We Can Believe In"

I bought my first digital camera in 2001, which was a Sony point and shoot model. I wasn’t married at that time, so I had a lot of extra time and I used to go to places such as parks and shopping malls with my friend, just to take pictures. We took hundreds and hundreds of pictures and I remember I used to get so thrilled when I downloaded them to my computer. In my own opinion, all those pictures looked so good. No worries about spending money on film roles and running out of them, if I don’t like one picture, delete it! Though the camera was one of the beginning model of it’s series, it had a lot of options such as different shooting modes – beach/landscape, contrast, exposure, AF illumination, standard/fine, different flash modes, image size etc. The fact is I never tried changing any of those settings. I used only the default settings it came in and I thought that gave me the best pictures. I didn’t know I was wrong until I bought my current camera about an year ago and tried different things. I deliberately changed so many settings (though I didn't want to) and experimented with it and guess what, I started learning to take some pretty cool pictures. And it motivated me to read the user's manual further to learn all the tiny, but effective changes we can make by changing various settings.

Why was I so hesitant to change the settings on my first camera? I was afraid! Fear of failure. I didn’t have the guts to experiment. I didn’t want to interrupt the smooth usage with the default settings. I didn’t pursue the unknowns. I was just comfortable with my ‘safe zone’. So, I missed a lot of cool features in it.

This is not just a story of a piece of electronic equipment. This is so true in all the aspects of our life. We all get excited about change, but hate to try it ourselves. I think in business world, they use a term ‘change management’, a department dedicated to help people to get adapted to the organizational changes. Why do they need a department itself for that purpose? Because people are usually reluctant to adapt the changes in processes and principles.

My spiritual life was pretty comfortable with the religious activities. While bound in religion, though I had many questions, I didn’t pursue them. I was fearful of opposition, challenges and leaving my comfort zone.
Understanding of God’s grace motivated me, but I was still fearful. I wrestled with hundreds of questions in my mind. How can I challenge one of the major denomination’s doctrines? How can I speak against something which millions and millions of people believe? What if I am wrong?

But the love of God, eventually took over my life. It brought me to a point where there is no going back, where thrill and joy are much higher than fear. It pushed me out of my comfort zone and abandoned me in the wild. Yes, I was scared first, but again it took my hand and made me to pursue. Wow! What a journey! I wouldn't trade this for anything. I haven't reached any where but the journey itself is amazing, each step is something new! Everything has new meaning. "Rest" has a new meaning. "Serving God' has a different meaning. "Love of God" has different meaning. "Grace" itself has different meaning.

Grace brings change, not like the changes politicians offer. This change is a change from inside out, sometimes rapidly, some times slowly but either way a change which lasts. Yes there is a lot of discomfort sometimes, but it is still worth it. Yes, there is pain, rejection, ridicule, loneliness, calling of names such as “law breaker”, but it is still worth it.

I am less afraid of facing unanswered questions. I am less afraid of changing the "setting" and failing in my walk with God. Also, I want to explore the 'owner's manual' much further in the new perspective, in the light of Grace. I am learning all the more everyday, way more than I have learned for so many years in religion and I am excited.

Grace is the change we can believe in and I love this change!

ivescrewedup

I am so moved by the multitudes that are forced to wear a mask due to the fear of religious judgment. What good the religion is doing in their life other than forcing them into depression?
I came across this website which allows people to confess their sins anonymously. It’s no a wonder that they open up under the title of ‘anonymous’. The world and the religion wouldn’t allow them to open up authentically. It’s not that we have to make all our secret sins public, but what if we have a group of people where we could confess to each other without the fear of judgment?
I think millions are dying in guilt, shame and fear due to many sins in their life. If we can stop acting that everything is hunky-dory in our life just because we are Christians, wouldn’t that be a lot better?

We, Christians are well known for the fact that we preach the salvation by grace through faith alone. We attract people telling them, no matter how sinful they are, they are still worthy for the salvation offered by Christ. They come with a lot of excitement and joy. Once we know that now they are ‘converted’, then we start giving the list of things they should be doing and the list of things they shouldn’t be doing. We preach the ‘finality of the cross’ with one side of our mouth and then preach the ‘biblical principles’ through the other side and we find pleasure in controlling people using law.

If we act as if we have got all our acts clean, how can we expect the real people to come and share their struggles with us? It is sad that we don’t realize the law causes us to lose our authenticity. But grace causes us to be real and blunt. In grace, there is humility, understanding, compassion and true love. In law, there is only pride, guilt, fear and punishment. What good is that? Still we like to be called as ‘law keepers’, people with ‘principles’ etc.

Jesus said ‘It’s finished’. But standing at the foot of His cross, we are telling people, “No, it’s not finished, you have to work on your sins”. Does Jesus lead us to holiness or does holiness lead us to Jesus?
When Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing’, how much holy were those people whom He was addressing? How many sins the thief on the cross cleaned up for him to hear something like this from Jesus: “Today you will be with me in paradise”?

Jesus’ Gospel is supposed to be a ‘good’ news but didn’t the religion make it into ‘bad’ news?

Hudson Taylor

In the letter which Hudson Taylor (The famed missionary to China) wrote to his sister Amelia in October, 1869 beautifully describes the 'exchanged life'. It is so encouraging and refreshing.

In the letter he explains the turmoil he went through in his futile efforts to please God.

Like many of us he tried, tried and tried to please God with all his energy:

I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living nearer to God. I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for retirement and meditation - but all was without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.

I knew that if I could only abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not.

To will was indeed present with me, but how to perform, I found not.

I hated myself; I hated my sin; and yet I gained no strength against it.

He had the same illusion many christians live with such as:

I thought that holiness was to be gradually attained by a diligent use of the means of grace.

But the more I pursued and strove after holiness, the more it eluded my grasp, till hope itself almost died out, and I began to think that perhaps to make heaven the sweeter, God would not give it to us in this life.

All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was how to get it out.

Unbelief was, I felt, the damning sin of the world - yet I indulged in it. I prayed for faith but it did not come.

Here comes the light:

But this was not all He showed me, nor one half. As I thought of the vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured directly into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in having wished to get the sap, the fullness, out of Him. I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine now I see is not the root merely, but all - root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit; and Jesus is not only that; He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for, or needed. Oh the joy of seeing this truth!

Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves?

Could a bank clerk say to a customer, "It was only your hand that wrote that check, not you," or "I cannot pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself?"

And here is the best part:

The sweetest part, if one may speak of one part being sweeter than another, is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no difference where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient.

I am no better than before (in one sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be); but I am dead and buried with Christ - yes, and risen too and ascended; and now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Faith, I now see, is "the substance of things hoped for" and not mere shadow. It is not less than sight, but more. Sight only shows the outward forms of things; faith gives the substance. You can rest on substance; you can feed on substance.

Click here to read the full letter.

Religion Vs. True Grace

Church loving – People loving
Pastor loving – Jesus loving
Church praising – God praising
Giving 10% - Give in ‘free will’
Control others using law – Proclaim that the law is fulfilled in Christ
Not questioning anything – Challenge law and legalism under new covenant
Showing off love – Sharing genuine love
Bashing sinners – Tell them Christ took away all their sins once-for-all
Evangelizing everybody – Proclaim the unconditional love of God to those who are ready to listen
Trying to convert people using law, guilt and fear – Trying to show people love, grace and freedom in Christ
Being active in church programs – Being active in ‘growing in Grace’
Being social – Being who we are
Bound but acting free - Free and acting free
Showing off Bible knowledge – Knowing Bible for what it means, not what it says
Being busy – Walk by faith
Acting holy – Being holy

Why was Stephan stoned?

Stephan was stoned and killed because he preached Jesus and His grace.

He was a man full of God’s grace and power (Acts 6:8). His preaching was about the Righteous One – the Messiah (Acts 7: 52).

It is the Righteous One who brings righteousness to us. We don’t become righteous, we receive it as a gift and God imputes it unto us. That is the only righteousness acceptable by God; all the self efforts are like filthy rags (Isa. 64:6) in God's eyes.

The Jews could not take victory over the argument with Stephan (6:10) so they persuaded some men to lie against Stephan saying, "We heard him blaspheme Moses, and even God (6:11)".
So the elders and the teachers of the religious law arrested him and brought before the high council.

They complained that Jesus of Nazareth will destroy the temple and change the customs Moses handed down to us.

That’s the fear of many law-preachers. The freedom in Christ can shake their little kingdoms. They can’t conceive the extraordinary risk in allowing people to be free.
They shrink the freedom in Christ to 'freedom to dance' and 'freedom to sing'.
Thats is man made 'freedom'.

But it is the freedom in Christ what sets people really free - free from people pleasing, free from rituals, free from customs, free from law, free from 'authority', free from guilt, free from peer pressure, free from self-pity, free from self-righteousness, free from condemnation, free from anything and everything but Jesus! and Jesus alone! It is the freedom in dependence.

It is that freedom that teaches us to say "No" to unrighteousnesses , it is that freedom what enables us to give in free will. It is that freedom which gives us to enter the throne of Grace with courage and call the all sufficient, all powerful, omnipresent God, Abba Father!

It is the 'spirit of control' what takes us to the book of Malachi to establish the law of tithing. That is when we put people in guilt trip saying if you don’t tithe you are robbing God. It is the law that enables some people to use godliness as a means of financial gain. So they dwell on the law. Shame on them!

It is the law which allows the elders and authorities to control people – emotionally, spiritually and financially.

In Acts chapter 7 Stephan addressing the council and he declared fearlessly that the Most High doesn’t live in temples made by human hands and quoted Isa 66:1-2.

He used some strong words: you are heathen at heart and deaf to the truth. Must you forever resist the Holy Spirit?

Where there is Spirit of God, there is freedom!

He pointed out to them they failed to obey the law even though they speak about it all the time.

When Apostle Paul pointed the following to the people at Corinth, was he blaspheming Moses?

7Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone (10 Commandments!), came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, 8will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? 9If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! 10For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. 11And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts! (2 Cor. 3)

He was being persecuted for this. (Gal 5:11)

And the persecution continues...and it will continue...

Game over!

"Grace means that in the middle of our struggle the referee blows the whistle and announces the end of the game. We are declare winners and sent to the showers. It's over for all huffing, puffing piety to earn God's favor; it's finished for all sweat-soaked straining to secure self-worth; it's the end of all competitive scrambling to get of others in the game. Grace means that God is on our side and thus we are victors regardless of how well we have played the game. We might as well head for the showers and the champagne celebration." - Donald McCullough

Law & Grace

Under Law Man Says	Under Grace Christ Says
Look at what I'm doing for you!	Look at what I did for you!
Look at how I went to church.	Look at how I went to Calvary.
Look at how I was raised in my denomination.	Look at how I was raised from dead.
Look at how I gave my money.	Look at how I gave My life.
Look at how I confessed my sins.	Look at how I took away your sins.
Look at how I stood against sin.	Look at how I died for your sins.
Look at how I judged the lost world.	Look at how I saved the lost world.
Look at how I marched against evil-doers.	Look at how I suffered for evil-doers.
Look at how I bowed down to you.	Look at how I became one of you.
Look at how I healed the sick.	Look at how I raised the dead.
Look at how I spoke in tongues.	Look at how I spoke in love.
Look at how successfull my life was.	Look at how successful My death was.

Source: Classic Christianity Conference Manual

What is legalism?

Being under total grace is an extreme. It gives us a dangerous sense of freedom. It can bring us humility and security but at the same time a secret pride. God loves me unconditionally and I am safe in His hands. There is no feeling of guilt or fear. Does it promote sin? Does it give a license to sin? Isn't it too dangerous? And the entire Christendom says --- YES! So what is the solution? We need law! Law is Good! Law keeps us morally pure! Law makes us holy! We love law!

I think I know what Legalism means but I struggle to define it.

What teaches me to say 'no' to ungodliness? Law or Grace?

There are 2 ways I can stop watching R-rated movies:

1. I don’t watch R-rated movies because I am a Christian and I want to be holy.
2. I don’t watch R-rated movies because the wisdom from God tells me that my flesh is too bad and I may indulge in sin and destroy my earthly relationships.

In either case God is not pleased or displeased. Because there is only one thing which can please God- faith.
The first one is legalistic but the second is not. In the second case I am not motivated by the law, fear or guilt. I know that I know that I know, nothing can separate me from the love of God. The same grace teaches me to say ‘no’ to ungodliness, not the law. If it is law it is legalism and it promotes more sin.

11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. (Titus 2)

One at a time.

This is something I have been thinking about for few weeks now. Jesus did not come to change the world. He came to change individual lives - one at a time.
When Jesus dealt with Pharisees it was a group of people and He pointed them their futile self-righteousness.
When it comes to dealing with sinners (who agree that they are sinners), he dealt in a personal way – one at a time, regardless of their behavior, sins, morality, good works, acceptance in society, what others say/think about them.

Jesus spent probably hours with the Samaritan woman at the well and revealed one of the profound truths of the History – Worshiping God in truth and Spirit.
Regardless of how even the disciples saw that incident; Jesus did it in a personal way – one at a time.

Jesus’s encounter with Zacheus was personal – One at a time. He called him down from the tree and even supped with him.

He said I don’t condemn you to the woman caught in adultery – One at a time

Thief on the cross – He was judged to be hanged, the cruelest form of killing a sinner. He didn’t have much good works, He didn’t have much character. He didn’t have much commitment to God. He wasn’t baptized. He never tithed. He never attended church. He never partook in Lord’s Supper. But he believed and simply acknowledged - Remember me when you come into your Kingdom.
That saved him – one at a time. This was almost an impossibility at that time and even now. God’s grace is an impossibility from human standpoint anyways.

Jesus dealt with Martha during the time of Lazarus’s resurrection and revealed another great truth – I am the resurrection and the life.

It is sad that Christians going away from God’s agenda – Saving people one at a time. Today’s evangelicals want to become vote bank and change the world. They want to bring peace to the world.
They line up at the white house, want to influence governments and their voice be heard. When Jesus started his ministry He went to the sea shore to pick some stinking fisher men. He could have gone to the Roman authority and show them signs that He is the Messiah (King) and become a political power. Christianity became an enterprise but Christ is still the same. He is still in the business of saving individuals – One at a time.

Teaching Grace

This is a question which is kind of nagging me for past couple of days.

Can we really ‘teach’ Grace?

Few days ago I got an opportunity to share the message of Grace to two already saved people (at least they claim to be) but followers of some ritualistic religion.

When I told them that God forgave ALL of our sins and now He is not dealing with us on the basis of sins. It kind of offended one person. He interrupted and called it blasphemy.
For a moment I thought may be they are too early for the knowledge of Grace.

Then I asked them couple of questions such as:

Was it a result of earnest confession that Jesus said – ‘Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing’?

How many sins the thief on the cross confessed and asked forgiveness when Jesus said you will be with me in Paradise?

How many sins the adulterous woman asked forgiveness when Jesus said I don’t condemn you?

They said they agree all those but still think that it is our ‘pride’ that keeps us away from asking forgiveness for the day to day sins.

Oh, ok…

Overall it wasn’t that a pleasant conversation.

After all these my wife pointed out one thing to me which triggered some thoughts in me.

This is what she said in a nutshell - We can successfully teach law. But the understanding of Grace cannot be really “taught”.
The example she said was parent-children relationship. We can easily teach our kids the rules and its obedience.
But when it comes to the understanding of our love, they HAVE TO EXPERIENCE it. It can’t be just theory. It has to be practical.

Does this mean that we shouldn’t teach Grace at all?

I am not sure.

But one thing I know - it has to be experienced. We have to get hold of the meaning of the statement – “While we were yet sinners, God loved us through Christ”.

Any thoughts?