When I feel good in flesh, that generates pride and I am headed to fail soon. When I don't feel good, there is that internal conflict of what am I doing wrong. In both case it is my doing or not doing. I am tired of me!
Times where I feel that nothing is in my control - kids being sick, I feel tired, not feeling like taking a shower, being lazy, over eating, sleepy, watching lot of television, not doing anything spiritually, having worldly thoughts, being anxious about everything such as job, finance, economy, unsaved loved ones, having the pressure to act holy and joyful, not feeling like calling friends and relatives to stay in touch, unable to love others, unable to forgive… haa.. the list goes on and on.
One day there is ease and laughter, the other day there is impatience on everything. There are days I feel like I am trapped in the wind wheel of secularism, a common phenomena we see everywhere.
Times when I feel that all the 9 fruits of the Spirit are in the high gear in my life, next day the same I, wondering do I even have the Spirit! What a 'wretched'...
Times when I feel the verse "do not be anxious about tomorrow" was for the first century, not for today. How do we live in this world without being anxious? Acting as if we are in perfect peace all the time is an intellectual suicide. Putting a false gown of 'courage' and acting fearless is stupid.
Wonder why Jesus said, "you will have trouble in this world"? you bet!
The force to serve 'mammon' is unbelievable. The pressure to serve 'schedules' is unavoidable. It is getting tougher and tougher to serve just one master. Escaping is not an option. Escapism is not faith. Faith is pressing on.. no matter what... looking forward for that glorious day...
14 comments:
Bino,
This has been a very interesting evening for me. Long story short, while looking for something completely different, I went to alexa.com to search for an old version of my website. While there, I decided to look at old versions of gracewalk.org, and I "just happened" to click on a link of the gracewalk website from
February 2001. On it, there was a link to an article called
Faith Looks Back, and I was amazed as I read it, because I thought a lot of it goes along with what you've written here. I think it also goes along with a post today on Jul's blog, and my jaw simply dropped to the floor as I thought about how this fits in with both blogs. Anyway, I thought I'd share it with you in case it speaks to you in any way like it did to me. :)
Hi Bino,
I don't think I've posted on your blog before but I've been enjoying what you share.
I haven't read the article or the blog that Joel suggested but I thought of something Darin Hufford, author of The God's Honest Truth, shared with me regarding this same subject.
He told me not to beat myself over the head because of my sin. He said that he's learned to accept his humanness and the fact that he will sin. When he sins, he deals with it and then gets over it.
That really means a lot to me since I really blew it big time yesterday at work and several co-workers were present when I had my pity party. Because of what I've learned since finding Steve McVey's website a few months ago as well as my conversations with Darin, I've been released from guilt and shame.
It happened. I can't change that but I received a lesson on the importance of guarding my thoughts. I can't guarantee something like that won't happen again but now I'm more aware that this faith walk is a process and that my standing with God is not based on my behavior. For me, that's a biggie because now I'm free to just get up and keep moving forward.
Aida
I read Jul's blog and I thought Joel's comments were very good.
He said, "However, I've come to see that grace isn't so much about me having victory in every little area of my life as it is about me resting and being content whether or not I see and experience any specific amount of growth or perfection in my outward expression of the life of Christ. He is in me and He is living in me and working through me, whether or not I feel it or experience complete victory in all the things I think I should be."
As I read that, I immediately thought of Hebrews 11, the so-called "hall of faith." Since I understood that faith was getting what you believing for, that chapter has always confused me. It seemed like none of those listed got what they were believing for. Some were even killed yet they were all spoken well of because of their faith. Even Samson is on that list. Now, that's a shocker.
Yet, if faith is really, as Joel says, living in the reality that God is at work no matter what we see in our circumstances then that opens up a whole new understanding of Hebrews 11 that I never had before. I already have my Bible open ready to check it out.
I love this conversation and how the various websites and blogs are all fitting together into a beautiful tapestry picturing Father's love and faithfulness. I'm so glad I found all of you.
Aida
Joel,
The article "Faith looks back" is a great one.
"Faith looks at our righteous behavior and deeds (things seen) and knows that they add nothing to our righteousness before God. But faith also looks at our unrighteous behavior and deeds (things seen) and knows that they lose nothing of our righteousness before Him."
Absolutely! I can't agree more! And the fact is I kind of know this. I think I have that quite confidence of what Christ accomplished for me will never change, no matter what. It is there in the deep.
Whether you are having a "good day" behaviorally or a "bad day" behaviorally, your right standing with God is unaffected.
Again, Amen to that!
The thing I don't know for sure is the fine line between the confidence in Christ and the pressure of external (People/stuff)
and the confusion in dealing with
it.
The tendency to substitute a 'method' is unbelievable, though we know that is again legalistic.
I am going to re-read that article.
I liked the honesty of Jul as well. It is a struggle for me as well. For some time I thought I can live with that extra pounds (By applying the philosophy of God accepts me anyways. Well it is not a philosophy but a truth but I sometimes use such things to train my mind consciously - again a 'method'!). But then I have the strong tendency to diet but at the same time I fear that I will fail because I know the power of sin is in the law. When I stay out of dieting (law?) I end up putting more wight. Who to blame? Grace?
Aida,
I enjoy your blog as well and your comments here are appreciated.
I've come to see that grace isn't so much about me having victory in every little area of my life as it is about me resting and being content whether or not I see and experience any specific amount of growth or perfection in my outward expression of the life of Christ.
I liked this comment by Joel, grace is not about having victory in everything but the strong but quite confidence in Christ and what has accomplished for us in the past.
I don't want to live in the illusion that I will get 'better' (as per my own standard) as I grow. But I think the opposite is true. As I grow, I grow weak and thats where we value His all sufficiency.
Bino, I don't have a blog. Maybe you were thinking of Jul's blog.
I haven't ventured into that deep water yet although I've been thinking about it. Once I figure out how to set it up, I may jump in.
Aida
Sorry! I got your name confused with Lydia from a joy to be me. :)
I would encourage anybody who have little spare time and enjoy sharing their thoughts to start a blog. I have been greatly enjoying this as an outlet of my Grace Walk. Since I am not part of any local fellowship of like minded believers currently, this is the place I fellowship. It has limitations of a 2-dimensional media, but still the encouragement we get from others in the same journey is wonderful.
Thanks again for reading and commenting!
Bino, Lydia's got a great blog that I enjoy reading.
I've been thinking about starting one for some time now but haven't done anything. One of my friends recently started one and that started me thinking about it again.
I'm not really good with computer stuff so as soon as I get some time I may try to figure out how to do it. I appreciate your encouragement.
I do go to a Sunday morning group but online groups and friends that I've met online are my primary source of fellowship. I really enjoy all of the blogs that I've found since I located Steve McVey's website. You're all sharing some great things.
Aida
Aida,
I want the whole world blogging about the unconditional love and grace of God through Christ Jesus! The unity in diversity. Isn't it wonderful to have brothers and sisters all around the world whom we haven't even met? The kingdom of Jesus is awesome!
Bino, I took your suggestion and set up a blog last night. Joel also encouraged me to go for it so I finally did. I posted my first entry this morning. Thanks for your encouragement.
If you want, you can check it out at http://forgettingtheformerthings.blogspot.com
Aida, Thats is so wonderful. I just visited your blog and left a comment. I am looking forward to reading the stuff. Go as He lead!
Hi, Bino. You've been a great encouragement to me. Thanks for visiting my blog.
Is it okay if I put a link for your blog on my blog?
Aida
Why not? Go for it!
Thanks, Bino. It's done.
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