There are days where everything goes according to the schedule (clock), there are days where nothing goes as per the schedule at all.
When I feel good in flesh, that generates pride and I am headed to fail soon. When I don't feel good, there is that internal conflict of what am I doing wrong. In both case it is my doing or not doing. I am tired of me!
Times where I feel that nothing is in my control - kids being sick, I feel tired, not feeling like taking a shower, being lazy, over eating, sleepy, watching lot of television, not doing anything spiritually, having worldly thoughts, being anxious about everything such as job, finance, economy, unsaved loved ones, having the pressure to act holy and joyful, not feeling like calling friends and relatives to stay in touch, unable to love others, unable to forgive… haa.. the list goes on and on.
One day there is ease and laughter, the other day there is impatience on everything. There are days I feel like I am trapped in the wind wheel of secularism, a common phenomena we see everywhere.
Times when I feel that all the 9 fruits of the Spirit are in the high gear in my life, next day the same I, wondering do I even have the Spirit! What a 'wretched'...
Times when I feel the verse "do not be anxious about tomorrow" was for the first century, not for today. How do we live in this world without being anxious? Acting as if we are in perfect peace all the time is an intellectual suicide. Putting a false gown of 'courage' and acting fearless is stupid.
Wonder why Jesus said, "you will have trouble in this world"? you bet!
The force to serve 'mammon' is unbelievable. The pressure to serve 'schedules' is unavoidable. It is getting tougher and tougher to serve just one master. Escaping is not an option. Escapism is not faith. Faith is pressing on.. no matter what... looking forward for that glorious day...