I have been thinking about a lot of things to address on the blog such as keeping short accounts with God, the reason for our 'flesh' etc. But sometimes I feel empty and can't really express (write) anything. It's not that I am empty but I 'feel' empty. I know it is strange. Another thing I notice is that the mood and style I use in the posts are so connected to my life circumstances. I write depressing posts when I am depressed. I write exciting things when I am excited. I write intolerant things when I am intolerant. I admit that sometimes I am very intolerant and abrupt with legalism and the people who promote such things. Yes, I am speaking out of hurt and thats okay, right?
There are also moments of silence where I have no idea what to say. I am talking about feeling overwhelmed. The message of grace is huge and it requires a lot of discipline (discipleship) to explain this to someone but I often get overexcited and thus overwhelmed. As a result I mess up!
Is this all part of 'growing'?
I am learning that I don't have to 'prove' anything. Does 'faith' requires proof? If it can be proved, then why call it 'faith'? There is uncertainty in faith. There is also unpredictability. So I have no guarantee that I will 'act' the same tomorrow as today and that means there might be inconsistency in my sayings/actions. On the other hand, If I try to scrutinize everything I ever say, I fear I become mute. 'Going with my own heart' doesn't really sound biblical, but I believe there is a uniqueness in everybody's heart (or soul or mind or whatever). I also believe the grace of God works in unique ways in individuals. Do you agree?
Is it okay to feel 'empty' even with an understanding of Grace? Sometimes I can talk about grace all day long with a lot of fervency and at the end of the day when I read my Bible, I feel blank! Are those moments of 'silence' also part of growth or am I weird?