And I have so many siblings and cousins, we are very proud of who we are.
You may see us in every nook and corner of America and all over the world.
In some places we are underground but in America we are mostly overground and we think it's okay either ways.
We stand there in various shapes, styles and names.
Some of us are dwarfs and some are tall and fat. The more fatter we are, the more successful our care-taker is.
All of us have care-takers called - pastors, priests, rabbis etc and they all come in different flavors depending on which family there were born or who converted them later on.
Have you seen Jesus's statues in us? Aren't they beautiful? Some of our Jesus' are bleeding, some are blessing, some are gloomy and depressed. But as long it has a beard and a divine light around its head, it is Jesus.
Some people love us and some hate us, but we really don't care.
Sometimes we think that it's funny people build us so beautiful but use only for few hours a week and pay mortgages year-round. LOL! Well, may be it isn't that funny!
Some of us are 'mega' and it usually depends on the charisma of our care-taker.
People build gymnasiums, swimming pools, prayer rooms, cafes, delis etc inside us and the more entertainment, the more happy the residents are. Isn't that cool? Oh! by the way, we love the poor.
Some of us are like iMax theaters - cushion chairs with cup holders on it, huge screens for the play. We don't mind if you take a nap sitting in our comfy chairs or enjoy a cup of coffee while watching the play. Hey, after all we are there to make you comfortable!
Is your marriage in trouble? Come to us, we have marriage seminars!
Would you like to learn how to raise your kids in Christian discipline? You are welcome to attend our 'Parenting lessons on strict christian worldview'.
Do you aspire to become a leader (and ultimately a care-taker of one of us)? Come on in, we have leadership seminars!
We have solutions for pretty much any problems people face - social, political, cultural, behavioral, you name it.
Are you confused whom to cast your vote? Listen to our pastor!
Are you confused whom to marry?Attend our youth ministry, you sure will find your soul mate there. But don't mess with the freedom there, we are against abortions.
Some of our pastors might talk about Jesus and His love, grace, blah blah, but don't worry if those things don't work, we have enough other tools and techniques to make you a good christian.
Sitting in our pews, you will feel the peace jesus offered, because we have dim lights, slow music, comfy chairs and air-conditioned halls.
Some of us are 'Full Gospel', some are Half Gospel and some are No Gospel.
Would you like to experience a little more 'glory' while you worship? Pick the ones with stained glasses and distinguished arts in it.
After all you are free to pick us. You have Freedom!
By the way, are you too lazy to wake up early on Sundays? The sermons preached by our pastor is available on DVD for a minimum donation of $60. Who can beat that price?
If you are first time visiting, feel free to pass that offering plate to the next person; but if you are a member, well, you know...
Most of us have visions. If you want to know our vision, check our website.
Some of our siblings and cousins fight and don't like each other, but don't worry we all believe the same thing.
Now, you are not a big fan of those slow hymns? Looking for a little 'high'? No worries, some of us have rock and roll worship, you will surely enjoy those. Feel free to use the freedom to dance and feel good.
Too shy to dance and worship? We provide dance lessons and worship practices. Make use of those free classes. They are absolutely free. There is no catch.
Are you someone who likes to dress up and show off? We have both contemporary and traditional services. Contemporary is 'come as you are' (blue jeans ok), traditional is more of suit and tie. Pick the one you like.
Have you never been to one of us before? There are 'seeker friendly' ones. Check them out! They are pretty cool. And, hey, pls. don't forget to fill out the visitor cards. It's very important to us.
Some of us are very politically correct and post modern, we accept pretty much any ideas under the sun. How cool is that?
You don't like the shape of some of us? Check out our newly introduced 'home' ones. You will feel like at home.
We usually operate around our pastors, who are usually very smart. We don't exist without them, so respect them, ok?