When I lived in the walls of institutionalized church, I felt as if I was holding a fragile glassware up on my finger tip all the time, balancing it with extreme care so that it won’t fall down and break. It was like a circus. All my energy had been used to balance the glassware, so my growth was stunt.
My every strength was consumed for the ‘defense’ against temptations (falling).
I thought if call my ‘secular’ friends, I might fall into sin or talk ungodly talks, so I purposefully avoided meeting/talking with my friends of ‘pre-IC’ era.
I avoided some of my office get-togethers’ just because those were done in bar restaurants. I thought, what if I get tempted to drink alcohol?
I stayed away from smokers. What if I get tempted to smoke cigarettes?
I closed my nose to avoid smell of some good food. What if I get tempted to eat while I am fasting?
I stayed away from 'worldly' people. What if I get an 'influence' from them?
I never felt secured in the love of God. Never! So I was always trying to hold this glassware (religion) up so that I can feel a false security. Some of the things in it were: do not mingle with unbelievers, do not drink alcohol, do not smoke, do not look at woman, do give tithes, do vote conservatives, keep strict 'christian' boundaries (whatever that means), stand against 'evil doers', always look for ways to witness to everyone you ever encounter, etc
I could never live loved. There wasn't even a shred of freedom in that life. Religion shrank my heart.
Insecurity and fear were the two things driving me all the time.
I was afraid, if I let the thing I am holding fall down, god would whack me and throw me straight to hell.
Fear was my motivation to hold it up all the time.
I never grew up; there wasn’t any room for growth. All the resources were used to ‘keep the lights on’ or in other words, to 'keep the mask on'.
Now I am asking why? Why religion? For what purpose? Let that glassware fall down and break! Let those things roll on the floor! Let those shackles be shattered, and you soar up like the eagles of righteousness... Let no religion, in any way or form, hold you down!