I am a bundle of paradoxes

There’s a touch of vanity in even the holiest of men and women. They see no reason to deny it. And they know that reality bites back if it isn’t respected. When I get honest, I admit that I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer. To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God’s grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, “A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.” The gospel of grace nullifies our adulation of televangelists, charismatic superstars, and local church heroes. It obliterates the two-class citizenship theory operative in many American churches. For grace proclaims the awesome truth that all is gift. All that is good is ours, not by right, but by the sheer bounty of a gracious God. - Brennan Manning

Real Vs. Counterfeit

I want to share some of my thoughts which are triggered by some comments over at Jordy’s blog and also by reading Darrin Hufford's God’s honest truth.

We buy fat removed, chemically processed, pasteurized, homogenized milk from super markets. We buy ‘I can’t believe its butter’, synthetic butter, and we like its taste. We don’t even know how the real, unprocessed milk is like, do we? I think there are people who don’t even know that milk comes from cows, they think milk comes from super markets. We are so accustomed to the synthetic stuff over the years that we became immune to it [I recently read some where that they use the molecular formula of plastic to make some of the synthetic food produces. In other words, if we go to the molecular level of some food we eat, we will find plastic!]. Most likely we wouldn’t like the real milk and the real butter anymore, even if it's available. We don’t like the milk without chemicals, juice without additives, we like it to be with preservatives added from antibiotic and hormone-treated cows and pesticide treated fruits. My parents own cows and when I went to India last year, they gave me real milk (not chemically processed, just boiled) and honestly I didn’t like it. I almost threw-up.

We have never seen and tasted real love and real kindness. Life in this world, over the years of our lifetime, made us believe that the counterfeit love and kindness is what it is like. We all believe that ‘there is no free lunch’. If someone really shows us true kindness, we immediately become nervous. Our thoughts would be ‘what is he expecting from me’ or ‘how I am going to pay this back’. We don’t like to receive and it is true that in almost all cases the word ‘free’ comes with strings attached.

A few years ago, we received a big check (more than what we expected) for our tax returns, my wife and I immediately thought, ‘How much should we give back to God?’. We believed God blessed us with that money and He expects something in return. When a family invites us for dinner, our immediate thought is, when are we going to invite then in return. We love the word ‘free’ but when the rubber meets the road, we become nervous and insecure.

Why is it a struggle for us to receive unconditional love, unconditional kindness and unconditional mercy from God?

• It’s too good to be true
• We have learned all our life everything in this world comes with conditions
• The word ‘unconditional’ makes us nervous and insecure
• We are prideful and not ready to agree that we are in need of real love and real kindness.
• God's love lacks complexity
• We are so used to the imitations, and we don’t really know what the real thing looks like

God blesses us with home, car, children, money, job, new skills, grace, salvation but with the ‘fair-trade’ mentality we think God expect us to serve Him back with those. We see Him as a smart salesman who first gives us something free only to earn our business so he can accomplish big things from us later. Isn't that the reason we hear people say, 'God blessed me with so and so that I should serve Him now'?

It is so hard for us to believe that God blesses us because He blesses us. We are His children. He gives us because He gives to His children. He loves us because He loves His children. There are no strings attached. People spend their time figuring out should they give 10% of their gross income or net income to God. What it tells me is that God lets them have a job and earn salary so He gets His tithe. It is such a distorted view of His love and blessings. A whole branch of theology has emerged from this perversion: if you sow your seed you will reap; if you are not ready to sow, don't expect anything from God! This really grieves my heart...

As soon as we figure out we are saved, what is our next thought? How can we serve Him back! Where is that thought coming from? We didn’t believe in His unconditional love in the first place. We didn’t believe that He saved us because He saved us. We thought He saved us so He can get us to serve Him, as though He need our service. Isn’t that a picture of a self-seeking God? [By the way, as we understand His unconditional love and grace for us, we will naturally tell and share our blessings with others, but that is not a 'service'. To see it as a service would be like an apple serving it's tree]

I used to put 'In His Service' at the end of my email signatures (it's funny that I do it only when I write email to believers!). It is as if I am an employee of God. God didn't create a bunch of employees to work for Him, He created a bunch of kids to be in an authentic relationship with Him.

People say that they are 'committed' to serve God. What an illogical statement is that? First of all, we cannot serve God and He doesn't need our service. Secondly, when we say 'committed', doesn't it mean that we didn't really want to do it but because of my 'commitment' I am doing it. In other words, I am so good that I commit myself to serve Him. It is like telling 'I am committed to my wife', which means I really want to cheat but I am refraining myself from it because I am 'good' and 'committed'.

It's an exaggeration. The relationship between a husband and wife has to be based on love and it has to be naturally authentic. I don't think God intended the marriage to be a 'sacrifice'. But we exaggerate it as supernatural by telling others that we are 'committed', thereby removing the authenticity of marriage relationship. I have heard people bragging that they have a 'successful' marriage of 20, 30 or 50 years because of their 'commitment' and 'sacrifice'. If I am a teenager and listening to them, this is what I would be thinking in my mind: They consider it 'successful' because it was supposed to fail. They didn't live together all these years naturally (that they wanted to) but, because of their commitment and sacrifice, they simply chose not to divorce but to tolerate each other. Isn't that the reason they said 'it wasn't easy but we hung in there'?

As a teenager I already made up my mind after hearing it: marriage is not easy and all marriages are supposed to fail and there is only a rare chance that one will 'succeed'. No wonder we have divorce rates sky-rocketing!

We hear people say, "Use me, Lord", "We will be careful to give you all the glory". God wasn't planning to "use" me when He saved me, for heaven's sake! Can you imagine, my son or daughter coming and telling me to "use" him or her? It certainly doesn't sound like love to me. I can't imagine God is self-seeking glory from everything we do or everything we have. He is not seeking glory from the food we eat, the money He gave us, the home He blessed us with. He gives to us because He loves us and when He gives, He gives freely. It's like I giving toys and cloths to my kids. What would I think if they run around and tell everybody that 'they are careful to give all the glory to their Dad'? I gave them because they are my children, we have a relationship, I want them to enjoy the stuff they received and I do not expect anything in return.

What is love like? the real love, not the counterfeit. Is it a fare-trade? Or is it UNCONDITIONAL? Is it self-seeking? Or is it selfless?

Bible says, God's love is like this (which sounds like the real stuff):

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

We struggle to simply receive this love because we are unimaginably prideful, arrogant, ego-centered and ignorant. We don't like to receive it, we like to earn it. Are we ready to simply receive this love without feeling obligated that we should do something in return which defies the logic that love is NOT self-seeking?

I think we all need to learn the act of receiving, not earning or giving. We have no problem to earn or to give, but we cringe to receive. God only wants the people who cannot repay Him. The thought that we can repay Him in itself is an oxymoron.

Matthew quoted Charles Spurgeon in his comments:
"perhaps it's hard to receive salvation because it's so easy."

I agree. God's love is unimaginably easy, simple, pure, genuine, real and agape. We can only receive it. And once it is in our life, be ready to be in awe and wonder because it is so ridiculously unbelievable, but at the same time, so very real...

"My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it." - Brennan Manning

The cult of success

Jehovah witness, Mormons, Seventh day Adventist, universalism, unity doctrine, new age, the list of cults, according to the scholars is increasing drastically. A great amount of time and effort has been spent on scrutinizing them and bullet proofing the original ‘Christian’ doctrine. I am not a cult specialist, but I observe a not-much-addressed cult called – the cult of success.

Child care, old age care, health care, education, church and pretty much everything in this materialistic world is coming under the category of enterprise and success is measured on the scale of money, profit, building and head count. And as a result, we lose the sweetness of relationship, authenticity and love in all these aspects.

The ‘success demon’ enters our brain during the childhood of our life. Parents give us the first dose of pills to make up our mind to succeed in education, then in career, in family life and so forth. In the Christian ministry, the phrases such as ‘successful minister’ or ‘successful ministry’ or ‘successful author and speaker’ are not uncommon at all. How do they measure success? By counting the people, equipments, buildings, media coverage, circulation of books etc.

Tomas Merton once said, "Be anything you like, be madmen, drunks,... but at all cost avoid one thing: 'success'." We live in a depraved world where our success is determined by the type of car, size of home and title of job.

I used to get excited by news such as Bible is America's favorite book , but not anymore, even if it is considered as a Christian or Evangelical success. I can very well get a doctorate in Biblical knowledge and still live without any clue what the Gospel of Jesus Christ really means. So why are we boastful that Bible is still the best selling book in the world? That means nothing, unless we understand the meaning of Bible passages and find the Person it points to, not just the history, literature, poetry, moral standards and principles. We have countless number of seminaries all around the world, which are supposedly producing ‘disciples’, but the sad truth is that we seldom see such kind. Instead we see puffed up knowledge and intellectualism and an increased desire to use godliness as a means of financial gain (1 Timothy 6). Brennan Manning once said, "as systematic theology advances, the sense of wonder declines."

During the time of Jesus, the Pharisees were considered as successful people. They were successful in keeping the law of God and imposing it on others. They earned the respect and admiration of society which ultimately made them the most prideful people who ever lived on the earth. Their success mesmerized them and they kept the unsuccessful people (tax collectors, prostitutes, gentiles) distant away.

Living selflessly may not necessarily bring the ‘success’ as the world sees it. The early church did not measure up the success by the size of their gathering. They were in authentic relationship with God and others, considering ‘everything in common’ was their way of life. Jesus said, do not store up your treasures here on earth because it is destined to perish. At the end all we can brag is about the size of the pile of ashes. Look, I have more ashes than you! What a pathetic situation! Jesus taught the simplest act of love and friendship which would transform people in an exciting way. Somewhere along the line we lost that, we have learned to consume and compete, but forgot to ‘live’. Schools teach us to compete in academics and win the competitive job market. Churches teach us to compete in singing, bible quizzes, scripture memorization, observance of law etc. They brag about their 'disciplined' members who can recite the entire book of Bible. I am like... So what?

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” If you and I see a group of little children playing in a play yard, would we ever think ‘how successful they are’? I would say to myself, how cute, innocent and playful they are. That’s how God loves to see us, His children – simple, innocent and joyful. He cares only less about our finance, career, possessions, discipline, religiosity etc.

"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"
Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

That’s the problem of wealth and success. While accumulating it we wouldn’t realize how hard it would be to lose it sooner or later.

According to Wikipedia, Alexader the great was one of the most successful military commanders in history, and was undefeated in battle. By the time of his death, he had conquered most of the world known to the ancient Greeks. Alexander died after twelve years of constant military campaigning, possibly as a result of malaria, poisoning, typhoid fever, viral encephalitis or the consequences of alcoholism.

As a final wish, he asked his officials to put his hands outside his coffin, for people to see that he came to this world in empty hands and now leaving the world in empty hands. The story of a king who conquered major parts of the world ends there!

Apostle Paul warns us wisely in the book of Timothy, For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.

King Solomon had pretty much everything many wish for – wealth, power, fame, wisdom, beautiful girls (thousand wives) around him. Bible describes how the fame of Solomon's wisdom and wealth spread far and wide, so much so that the queen of Sheba decided that she should meet with him.

He searched for meaning in life from hedonism, materialism, intellectualism, and ultimately finding a lack of fulfillment from all of these “meaningless” pursuits.

He said:

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless.
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.

Lets be careful not to take delight in all our 'work'. Lets realize that there are people who have had everything under the sun finally said it all meaningless. 'Nothing was gained under the sun' said Solomon and I find wisdom in it. Let's not be fooled by the futility of filthy success. It counts nothing to God. As Brennan Manning, one of my favorite author said, the only question we will ever be asked on the day of judgment is, 'Did you believe that I loved you?'. We all like the pleasure of achievements, compliments and praise; and many of us have moral superiority complex. It's my prayer that I want to lay it down, I want to stop entertaining my flesh, I don't want false humility either. There is pride in false humility which alienates and isolates us from real people. It is better to live as a 'failure', than living as a successful impostor who trick people and themselves to impress, achieve and posses.