A Story
This is a story one of the child care worker in a church where we attended service told my wife. This lady visited India on a mission trip once and met the person who was the overseer of their ministerial ventures in India, which included orphanages and hospitals in poverty stricken areas of Southern India.
He was born to a couple who practiced Hindu religion for so many years, probably for so many generations. His grand parents did ‘puja’ everyday, a Hindu religious ritual, where they typically put the statues or pictures of gods in a room, recite some prayers sitting in front of those gods, throw flowers, and incenses on them. At the end of the ceremony, they usually take rice and milk in different pots and offer it the gods. They keep the rice and milk in front of gods and leave from the room and lock the room down. The belief is, at night the gods would eat the rice and drink the milk, showing their satisfaction in their puja. If they didn’t eat, that means they were not happy and the ‘puja’ should be prolonged the next day.
After his grand parents, his parents continued the same.
As a boy he too was asked to participate in the ritual and witnessed with his own eyes that the next day both rice and milk are gone miraculously. But the whole thing, gods eating rice and drinking milk didn’t really resonate with his teenage mind. One day he decided to investigate. It wasn’t that easy to make such a decision knowing the belief system of the entire family for so many years. But his young mind, curiosity and courage won. He wanted to see the gods coming and eating and drinking the stuff kept for them. He did not sleep one night, waited impatiently in the dark to see gods coming. In the silence and darkness of that night, to his surprise he saw some rats coming out of some debris in the corner of the room, eating all the rice and drinking the milk! That was a real shock to his tender mind. He was depressed and disillusioned.
For so many years, he along with his parents, grand parents and probably so many of his other relatives believed a lie. Now, he even wished he didn't see the rats.
He could have faked the belief and cheated his family next day onwards by suppressing the truth, but he decided not to. The next day, he brought this to the attention of his family members expecting that they would realize it was foolish to think that the food was eaten by gods. But to his surprise, they got so angry at him. They blamed his unbelief, yelled at him, threatened him if he tells this to anyone, and tortured him tremendously. It was as if they wanted to believe the lie to gratify their spiritual needs. Eventually, the climax of the story came and he was expelled from his family.
I don’t know all the details in between, but ultimately he found Jesus. He eventually started some outreach programs, charity organizations in collaboration with some U.S ministries.
American Politics
Some times the American Politics puzzles me, particularly the recent democratic politics. Hilary and Obama opposed on foreign policies, health care, military, religion and pretty much on everything for so many months while they were independently campaigning for becoming the presidential nominee. There were debates proving each sides, throwing dirt on each other, negative commercials, gossiping, anger, cries and all that. Now all of a sudden, they both, sharing the same stage, declared they are on this campaign together and embraced each other. What surprises me most is that people seems to be okay with that. They think there is nothing wrong. Are they reluctant to face reality or is it too easy to believe a lie majority believes?
Sins
When I sin, sometimes I try to convince myself that it was an 'accidental' sin. People say they don't sin deliberately but I don't believe them. When I sin, I sin deliberately. But I still try to see if I can escape from the guilt by my own.
We all try to escape from truth once in a while, hesitating to face the reality. But truth is still truth, it is absolute. Not everything we believe about God is not true as well, even some of the good things. The fact that we believe in something for so many years, decades or centuries doesn't make it true.
I believed for so many years that God was pleased when people attended Mass. Then I believed that the people who spoke in tongues were more spiritual than the others. For few years I thought pastors were our 'spiritual authority'. I thought I was a dump and was rejected by God when I heard people claiming that they all experienced the 'power of God' in worship services and private prayers. I thought I had no testimony to share, like them.
Okay, now watch this video... (Wondering if it's gods or rats doing it...)
Showing posts with label Spiritual Habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual Habits. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Habitualism - Part 2
My transition from Eastern Orthodox habits to Pentecostal habits was gradual and transparent. Within the Orthodox church itself, there was a group of youngsters who gathered every week where they prayed without printed books, sang songs, clapped their hands and studied Bible. As a nice guy from the Sunday school, they invited me to their meetings and I began to attend. There I learned to pray the evangelical prayer which started with ‘Dear Heavenly Father’ and ended with ‘In Jesus’ name, Amen’; I learned to clap my hands and sing and came to know there are other books in the Bible other than Psalms and Proverbs. Then eventually after coming to America, I started attending full-fledged evangelical churches.
This wasn’t the case with my wife. Up until our marriage, she attended only catholic churches, was rosary praying, mass attending, and a huge Mary devotee. When she worked in Newyork city, during the 2+ hours of commute in train and bus she used to do her rosary 50 to 100 times every day. After she came to live with me, the first Sunday I took her to the Assemblies of God church where I attended service every week. In the concert like, casual atmosphere, she felt like an alien, quite shocked to see the people singing out loud and dancing. She didn’t feel comfortable that there wasn’t any robe wearing priests, no burning candles, no statue of bleeding Jesus. And above all, the crowd was loud and lacking the church ‘discipline’. She could not gratify any of her Catholic habits and felt awful and out of place.
Ask her and she would tell how hard is to break some habits. Few Sundays we attended a catholic church just to make her comfortable, but eventually we stuck ourselves to the AG church. Within few weeks (or months – I can’t remember) she started picking up on the raising and clapping of hands and started learning the lyrics of some of the favorite songs of the worship leader of that church. Now she knows what to expect in an AG church and is pretty comfortable with the atmosphere. I remember after having our daughter, every Sunday we run to the church, usually late, put the car seat down in front of our seats, and without any warm up we will start singing with the crowd, raising our hands and sometimes crying when they sang ‘I will never know how much it cost’ lines.
We both were baptized as infants, but the pastor at the AG church convinced us the importance of adult baptism while giving us a Baptism class. In the class someone asked if Baptism was necessary for salvation and pastor said no, BUT… now you know the importance of Baptism and you have an opportunity to be baptized and if you still don’t do it, I am NOT sure… that you reach heaven. Well, that one statement was enough for us to make our decision to get baptized and we were baptized in water in few weeks. I don’t know if this is true in all AG churches but in that church they believed in progressive salvation. Step 1 – Sinners prayer or giving your hart to Jesus, step 2- Water Baptism, step 3 – Baptism in the Holy Spirit (talking in tongues). Now we are only upto the step number 2 and started feeling the pressure to perform step-3, which is an ultimate step, where according to them the Holy Spirit comes in FULL (I don’t know if that means He came only in half at the time of sinners prayer).
More than half of the congregation had a habit of speaking in tongues during the fast track and high pitch songs in their worship services; and now we both wanted the same. And also, tongues was necessary to be bold and start witnessing like Apostle Peter in Acts 2. We were told fasting was necessary to get the Baptism in the Spirit and there came a time where the entire church decided to fast for 3 days and we both fasted as well. No food at all for the entire 3 days. On the second night or third night, I can’t remember, I was almost feeling dizzy due to the fasting and we went to this special meeting designed for the people who are desiring the baptism in the spirit. Special drums were brought in and the songs started, and the already baptized people started speaking in tongues and at some point I too started yelling hallelujah at the top of my lungs (We were told that we have to lose our tongues to the spirit, shouldn’t use our brain, and repeat hallelujah loudly until we feel that our tongues are not capable to keep up). I did the exact same thing and I started speaking in tongues. After the meeting people lined up to congratulate me on my newly achieved blessing and I felt so good that day. My wife was happy for me but at the same time was disappointed that she didn’t get it. During that time, she went for so many such fasting prayers but still didn’t get it. She felt so unworthy and we thought there is something which is blocking it for her. There were so many people offered prayer for her that she would receive what her husband received, but she didn't.
I too prayed hard for her seeing her despair. She thought either God rejected her or her intelligence is coming in the way of the spirit. In almost all sermons pastor mentioned the necessity and importance of speaking in tongues and I remember my wife lived in disappointment for 2-3 years until she was revealed the truth of Gospel and God’s grace.
Back to the story, on the day I spoke in tongues I fell down and crawled on the floor for a while. From that day onwards I had no problem in falling down when someone laid their hands on my head, but the truth is that I wanted to fall down. After the sermons, while the organs playing, with all the lights dimmed down, pastor would invite the people to the front and lay his hands on their head and people would start falling down. The more people fell down the more anointed that day’s service was. We could tell by looking at the face of the people who were all going to fall. So, now I learned tongues and slain in the spirit. One thing that I noticed (at least in this church), for most people who spoke in tongues loudly they all started with one word ‘santhara’. That really puzzled me even at that time. There was a young lady in our church that every time she went to the front she fell down. It was as if she goes to the front just to fall down. I thought she didn’t feel comfortable if she didn’t fall down.
Over the years, my wife and I picked up so many of the Pentecostal habits, learned to follow the crowd and we couldn’t really think anything outside of it. It is amazing how our brain can get programmed into certain patterns. Such habits included evening prayer at home, praying before each meal, praying before each journey etc. We were told that when we pray we need to be specific, the more specific we are the soon the blessing would come. A friend of mine explained this to me with a story. In one of the churches he attended before, there was a need for more chairs in the sanctuary and pastor started praying for money to buy chairs. But nothing happened. He prayed for so many weeks and finally it occurred to him that he is not specific enough in his prayer and that day he prayed a specific prayer that how many chairs he need and what color he prefer and the style he needed (metal or plastic). The next day someone offered the exact same number of chairs he prayed for, the same color and style!
And I learned to pray specific prayers. I learned to shake hands with 'Praise the Lord'. I learned to say good bye and 'God bless you'. I learned so many Christian phrases.
There is so much more to say, but for now I am wrapping this up. I don't feel the need to conclude this post into a theological right and wrong package and tie up all the lose ends. I leave that to you all... I will share some of the other stories in the future posts.
This wasn’t the case with my wife. Up until our marriage, she attended only catholic churches, was rosary praying, mass attending, and a huge Mary devotee. When she worked in Newyork city, during the 2+ hours of commute in train and bus she used to do her rosary 50 to 100 times every day. After she came to live with me, the first Sunday I took her to the Assemblies of God church where I attended service every week. In the concert like, casual atmosphere, she felt like an alien, quite shocked to see the people singing out loud and dancing. She didn’t feel comfortable that there wasn’t any robe wearing priests, no burning candles, no statue of bleeding Jesus. And above all, the crowd was loud and lacking the church ‘discipline’. She could not gratify any of her Catholic habits and felt awful and out of place.
Ask her and she would tell how hard is to break some habits. Few Sundays we attended a catholic church just to make her comfortable, but eventually we stuck ourselves to the AG church. Within few weeks (or months – I can’t remember) she started picking up on the raising and clapping of hands and started learning the lyrics of some of the favorite songs of the worship leader of that church. Now she knows what to expect in an AG church and is pretty comfortable with the atmosphere. I remember after having our daughter, every Sunday we run to the church, usually late, put the car seat down in front of our seats, and without any warm up we will start singing with the crowd, raising our hands and sometimes crying when they sang ‘I will never know how much it cost’ lines.
We both were baptized as infants, but the pastor at the AG church convinced us the importance of adult baptism while giving us a Baptism class. In the class someone asked if Baptism was necessary for salvation and pastor said no, BUT… now you know the importance of Baptism and you have an opportunity to be baptized and if you still don’t do it, I am NOT sure… that you reach heaven. Well, that one statement was enough for us to make our decision to get baptized and we were baptized in water in few weeks. I don’t know if this is true in all AG churches but in that church they believed in progressive salvation. Step 1 – Sinners prayer or giving your hart to Jesus, step 2- Water Baptism, step 3 – Baptism in the Holy Spirit (talking in tongues). Now we are only upto the step number 2 and started feeling the pressure to perform step-3, which is an ultimate step, where according to them the Holy Spirit comes in FULL (I don’t know if that means He came only in half at the time of sinners prayer).
More than half of the congregation had a habit of speaking in tongues during the fast track and high pitch songs in their worship services; and now we both wanted the same. And also, tongues was necessary to be bold and start witnessing like Apostle Peter in Acts 2. We were told fasting was necessary to get the Baptism in the Spirit and there came a time where the entire church decided to fast for 3 days and we both fasted as well. No food at all for the entire 3 days. On the second night or third night, I can’t remember, I was almost feeling dizzy due to the fasting and we went to this special meeting designed for the people who are desiring the baptism in the spirit. Special drums were brought in and the songs started, and the already baptized people started speaking in tongues and at some point I too started yelling hallelujah at the top of my lungs (We were told that we have to lose our tongues to the spirit, shouldn’t use our brain, and repeat hallelujah loudly until we feel that our tongues are not capable to keep up). I did the exact same thing and I started speaking in tongues. After the meeting people lined up to congratulate me on my newly achieved blessing and I felt so good that day. My wife was happy for me but at the same time was disappointed that she didn’t get it. During that time, she went for so many such fasting prayers but still didn’t get it. She felt so unworthy and we thought there is something which is blocking it for her. There were so many people offered prayer for her that she would receive what her husband received, but she didn't.
I too prayed hard for her seeing her despair. She thought either God rejected her or her intelligence is coming in the way of the spirit. In almost all sermons pastor mentioned the necessity and importance of speaking in tongues and I remember my wife lived in disappointment for 2-3 years until she was revealed the truth of Gospel and God’s grace.
Back to the story, on the day I spoke in tongues I fell down and crawled on the floor for a while. From that day onwards I had no problem in falling down when someone laid their hands on my head, but the truth is that I wanted to fall down. After the sermons, while the organs playing, with all the lights dimmed down, pastor would invite the people to the front and lay his hands on their head and people would start falling down. The more people fell down the more anointed that day’s service was. We could tell by looking at the face of the people who were all going to fall. So, now I learned tongues and slain in the spirit. One thing that I noticed (at least in this church), for most people who spoke in tongues loudly they all started with one word ‘santhara’. That really puzzled me even at that time. There was a young lady in our church that every time she went to the front she fell down. It was as if she goes to the front just to fall down. I thought she didn’t feel comfortable if she didn’t fall down.
Over the years, my wife and I picked up so many of the Pentecostal habits, learned to follow the crowd and we couldn’t really think anything outside of it. It is amazing how our brain can get programmed into certain patterns. Such habits included evening prayer at home, praying before each meal, praying before each journey etc. We were told that when we pray we need to be specific, the more specific we are the soon the blessing would come. A friend of mine explained this to me with a story. In one of the churches he attended before, there was a need for more chairs in the sanctuary and pastor started praying for money to buy chairs. But nothing happened. He prayed for so many weeks and finally it occurred to him that he is not specific enough in his prayer and that day he prayed a specific prayer that how many chairs he need and what color he prefer and the style he needed (metal or plastic). The next day someone offered the exact same number of chairs he prayed for, the same color and style!
And I learned to pray specific prayers. I learned to shake hands with 'Praise the Lord'. I learned to say good bye and 'God bless you'. I learned so many Christian phrases.
There is so much more to say, but for now I am wrapping this up. I don't feel the need to conclude this post into a theological right and wrong package and tie up all the lose ends. I leave that to you all... I will share some of the other stories in the future posts.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Habitualism - Part 1
[A word on the title: Habitualism is not a word found in dictionary, but I use it to mean 'not by faith, but by habit'.]
Darrin Hufford's recent posts reminded me of the many spiritual habits people can develop over the years, and foolishly mistake them as God's manifestations or interventions or the way to be in peace with God.
As a boy, I started sinning at least in the 7th grade (as far as I can remember), which included lies, cheating in the exams, sneaking out of home to play with my buddies. No one had to tell me those were sins, I knew it but I still did it and enjoyed it. I remember controlling and manipulating some of the quiet guys in my class to achieve many of my short victories among some bullies. By the time, I was in 10th, the world of sins widened, which included looking at some yellow magazines some of my 'courageous' buddies brought in, changing marks in my exam answer sheets, changing report cards (which parents ought to sign), listening to and spreading gossips about some teachers.
That was the story in the school, but I have another story too. Every Sunday, without fail I attended Sunday school. My parents gave due importance to Sunday School (but not as important as my regular school academics). During that time, every year, the teachers of the Sunday school honored the students who attended the most classes. If I remember correctly, I won that prize all most all years except one or two. Sunday school teachers saw me as a nice guy with a lot of interest in spiritual matters. I enjoyed getting noticed and being special.
My parents prayed every night. One person read Bible, mostly a psalm and all of us prayed prayers from a printed book. My mom memorized most of the prayers and she liked the people who memorized them, and encouraged me to do the same. Every evening I prayed. Some days I read Bible.
When I moved out of home to do my Masters, I still continued this habit. I remember praying every evening and make the sign of cross before I sleep. If I am disturbed on anything (nearing exams, for example), I prayed the Lord's prayer and Hail Mary three times rather than just one time. Those days I make cross signs 3 times each, from my forehead to chest and to the shoulders, then individual little cross signs on my forehead and chest. Wow! I
felt so good and I fall into sleep under the enveloping peace. By the way, there were few days that I was so drunk that I couldn't pray (usually Fridays and Saturdays) and I used to feel guilty about it. So the next day I doubled my prayer. In my regular prayers, I prayed to God in general, Jesus, St.George (The saint my parents loved a lot), Mary, All Apostles (I didn't want to miss out any blessings from any of them), and few of the local saints (the names you probably wouldn't recognize).
Not even a single cell of my heart knew God. I have learned all Jesus stories, parables in Sunday School but none of it, in any way or fashion connected my heart to God. None. But I still followed all my religious practices - prayers, church attendance, confessions, burning candles, pouring oil in the oil lamp in front of the church etc. I attended the yearly confession (during the week of Easter) to the priest and attended church on all special occasions - Good Friday, easter, pass over, Christmas and the memorials of saints.
My parents also showed me few ultra spiritual things such as 'remembering' God when we come across a sign of cross or a church building. I have seen them making the sign of cross when they saw church building or cross. I made the sign of cross when I saw the church, then when I entered the church, then when the priest touches my head and when they throw smoke (incense) over my face. I had no clue why I was doing them and never felt the necessity to ask the reasons. My grandparents did it, my parents do it, my relatives do it, then, why not I? None of them questioned, why would I? Just do it. It is required.
It didn't matter whether I believed a lie, it didn't matter whether I had a relationship with God, only one thing mattered was to follow the crowd, do what they do. Don't even think about swimming upstream, just go with the flow.
I picked up so much of what was taught in the church as part of my life, in other words, habits. I have to say that when I did those I felt peace. When I doubled my prayers some days I felt double peace. When I didn't pray my prayers, when I didn't make the sign of cross, when I didn't attend church, I felt guilty. So, it's not hard to figure out why I did it. I do it so I feel good. What other reason do I need?
[to be continued...]
Darrin Hufford's recent posts reminded me of the many spiritual habits people can develop over the years, and foolishly mistake them as God's manifestations or interventions or the way to be in peace with God.
As a boy, I started sinning at least in the 7th grade (as far as I can remember), which included lies, cheating in the exams, sneaking out of home to play with my buddies. No one had to tell me those were sins, I knew it but I still did it and enjoyed it. I remember controlling and manipulating some of the quiet guys in my class to achieve many of my short victories among some bullies. By the time, I was in 10th, the world of sins widened, which included looking at some yellow magazines some of my 'courageous' buddies brought in, changing marks in my exam answer sheets, changing report cards (which parents ought to sign), listening to and spreading gossips about some teachers.
That was the story in the school, but I have another story too. Every Sunday, without fail I attended Sunday school. My parents gave due importance to Sunday School (but not as important as my regular school academics). During that time, every year, the teachers of the Sunday school honored the students who attended the most classes. If I remember correctly, I won that prize all most all years except one or two. Sunday school teachers saw me as a nice guy with a lot of interest in spiritual matters. I enjoyed getting noticed and being special.
My parents prayed every night. One person read Bible, mostly a psalm and all of us prayed prayers from a printed book. My mom memorized most of the prayers and she liked the people who memorized them, and encouraged me to do the same. Every evening I prayed. Some days I read Bible.
When I moved out of home to do my Masters, I still continued this habit. I remember praying every evening and make the sign of cross before I sleep. If I am disturbed on anything (nearing exams, for example), I prayed the Lord's prayer and Hail Mary three times rather than just one time. Those days I make cross signs 3 times each, from my forehead to chest and to the shoulders, then individual little cross signs on my forehead and chest. Wow! I
felt so good and I fall into sleep under the enveloping peace. By the way, there were few days that I was so drunk that I couldn't pray (usually Fridays and Saturdays) and I used to feel guilty about it. So the next day I doubled my prayer. In my regular prayers, I prayed to God in general, Jesus, St.George (The saint my parents loved a lot), Mary, All Apostles (I didn't want to miss out any blessings from any of them), and few of the local saints (the names you probably wouldn't recognize).
Not even a single cell of my heart knew God. I have learned all Jesus stories, parables in Sunday School but none of it, in any way or fashion connected my heart to God. None. But I still followed all my religious practices - prayers, church attendance, confessions, burning candles, pouring oil in the oil lamp in front of the church etc. I attended the yearly confession (during the week of Easter) to the priest and attended church on all special occasions - Good Friday, easter, pass over, Christmas and the memorials of saints.
My parents also showed me few ultra spiritual things such as 'remembering' God when we come across a sign of cross or a church building. I have seen them making the sign of cross when they saw church building or cross. I made the sign of cross when I saw the church, then when I entered the church, then when the priest touches my head and when they throw smoke (incense) over my face. I had no clue why I was doing them and never felt the necessity to ask the reasons. My grandparents did it, my parents do it, my relatives do it, then, why not I? None of them questioned, why would I? Just do it. It is required.
It didn't matter whether I believed a lie, it didn't matter whether I had a relationship with God, only one thing mattered was to follow the crowd, do what they do. Don't even think about swimming upstream, just go with the flow.
I picked up so much of what was taught in the church as part of my life, in other words, habits. I have to say that when I did those I felt peace. When I doubled my prayers some days I felt double peace. When I didn't pray my prayers, when I didn't make the sign of cross, when I didn't attend church, I felt guilty. So, it's not hard to figure out why I did it. I do it so I feel good. What other reason do I need?
[to be continued...]
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